He is wealthy. He is a better lover. He cooks. He helps around the house. He helps with the baby. Bla Bla Bla. Those are some of the responses people would like to hear when they gather the guts to ask, 'How come you married a white guy?' along with other questions like, 'Did you always know you would marry a white man?' 'Is he different from black guys?' You know, like he breathes a different type of air or dropped from somewhere in the clouds. While some or all of those qualities might be true, they have nothing to do with his skin color but the person he is.
I'd like to point out that this post is personalized from my research, daily life and interactions with other people. I respect that many might have a different point of view. Having said that, I do know that I am also speaking for very many out there. Now let's carry on :-)
''I am a black woman married to a white man. I tried the Black man, all were thugs, even the educated ones. Could not marry that. Tried a white guy almost by accident, it just happened. Though we later broke up as friends, I was hooked. Dated exclusively to white guys after that. When I married it was a dream come true. Our life is great and our kids (3) are great also. My girlfriends are all trying to meet white guys also....no more black criminal thugs who think it alright to cheat, lie, steal etc. Yes I understand there are exceptions, and I apologize to them, but not enough exceptions to be worth the chance. And I plan to encourage our daughter to also marry a white guy. They are the BEST. To my black sisters out there, get out there and find a white guy. You won't regret it.''
This is something I read somewhere on the internet and it made me sad. I have always thought it's a silly thing to attribute all good qualities to one group of people while attributing all bad ones to another. One of the reasons I don't go by stereotypes so much. People are just people for the most part. There are good and bad men in every continent. Then of course some tendencies are more common among certain groups than others and I acknowledge that. But I have a problem with people putting down one race because they prefer another. We all have preferences, doesn't make them the best choices or others any less good. I also have a problem with the common assumption that black women married to white men can't possibly be there because they found a nice, loving, husband in a white man. She must have been on a look out for the white knight. A relationship based on skin color so to speak like the Mrs. I quoted up there clearly displays it.
When my husband and I met, we made no impression on each other at all (it did not matter he was white and I was black). After a few dates and getting to know each other more just as friends, we realized there were things we had in common and many we liked about each other. PS; still not related to our races, just who we are as individuals. We saw each other as human beings first before we cared what our cultures and heritage contributed to who we are. Which they do. Depending on where you are raised, you learn to do certain things a certain way but you are still you despite this. Say, kind, sensitive, loving, impatient, aggressive, intolerant, you name it.
Five years and a handsome toddler later, our home is a very interracial one. We do 'white people stuff' as well as dance to African jams. We are teaching our son to embrace his African heritage while he celebrates being part Italian.
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| Our traditional marriage |
Interracial marriages are not some sort of solution to God knows what, because guess what, there are white men that don't cook, don't clean, batter their wives, far from romantic and broke as a church mouse. Just like there are fantastic African brothers that have been raised to treat their partners like queens.
No one needs to explain their reasons for marrying who ever they chose to marry. This is not some sort of justification for marrying a white man.
Interracial marriages have ups and downs like all other marriages. Further more, we have to deal with the difference in culture and blending the two together which can be a challenge. Culture is a part of who we are. My husband and I are now used to not laughing at the same jokes sometimes. Or misunderstanding each other simply because what may be normal for me might be weird for him and vice versa. A midst all this, we find a balance.
I'd be a hypocrite if I denied that there are perks of being married to a white man that I am glad I get to enjoy. Some things about his culture that I am glad to be apart of. Things from my culture that I am happy I got to avoid. I still wouldn't assure anyone that they are guaranteed a 'happy ever after' by just marrying a white man.
To my friends who tell me I'm lucky to be married to a white man, you're wrong. I'm lucky to be married to a good man. Period. So are my friends who are married to men of other races that are treating them right.
I have not done the statistics on which race has the best men and honestly I don't care. What is important is that you find love, respect, understanding, compatibility and all those other elements you look for in a partner. If a certain skin color is on your list, suit yourself :-)
And that is why I married this white man, we are imperfectly perfect for each other.
LT
