Right now if you asked me if I could change something about myself, I have a few things in mind. I recently asked my mother the same question to which she responded, "nothing". She told me she is well aware of her imperfections and maybe a few changes would be great but she's so confident with who she is, she barely gives the flaws any thought, she forgets they exist. We all need that kind of mindset.
I think it's normal to want to improve things about yourself. Not just physically but mentally, emotionally even spiritually. It should not be a bad thing, there is always room for improvement. It's only a problem when the need to 'be better' makes you lose your self worth and pulls down your esteem. When you are occupied with the feeling of not being 'good enough' that it affects your well being.
A day doesn't go by without stumbling on a quote or update somewhere on social media about loving yourself. It's all become so much talk but no action. Most of us say these things without actually meaning or believing any of it. We go on about how important it is to love ourselves because it makes us feel good for those few minutes of writing or reading it.
Don't you want to have that 'feel good' feeling every morning when you wake up? I know it's all easier said than done but very possible if you get out and do something about it.
I have been working on loving myself more and still a work in progress. It's an awesome journey I thought I'd share what I have learnt along the way. It's not something that happens overnight but like a child learning to walk, you start with baby steps, stagger here and there, until you can walk firmly.
Self love is not thinking you are better than others. It doesn't mean throwing it in peoples' faces that your esteem is high up there. It's very easy to drift from self love to narcissism.
Self love is self acceptance, knowing you are good enough with all your imperfections and don't need anyone's validation or anything on the outside to make you feel that way, it's from within. A lot about how people feel about you roots from how you feel about yourself.
So......
I have learnt that loving myself starts from treating and caring for myself really well. Look good to feel good, I always say. I will wear a fancy dress and my most attractive lipstick for no reason. Reminds me I am all that and more on those days when I feel 10 years older.
I constantly point out awesome things about me. Say, my long legs and outgoing personality, haha. A midst all the imperfections, there are wonderful things about everybody. Take a moment and highlight yours. You will be surprised how many wonderful things you overlooked all this time while you paid attention to the 'defects'.
I resist comparing myself to others. It's only human that you wish you had things someone else already has. I would love to have Lupita's success, my neighbor's house, my sister's killer body but guess what, they wish they had someone else's something too or even something I already have. We would most probably want some more if we got what we think would make us feel better right now. It's a viscous circle. Believe me, comparison it's a trap, every one is suffering with something even if it doesn't show. Love what YOU have been blessed with.
I surround myself with love and positivity. People and situations that make you feel less of yourself are not good for you. Cut them off. These put pressure on you to be all kinds of things that you lose sight of who you really are or can be. That's why it is important for parents to tell their children right from childhood how special they are, it raises them to love who they are. It could be a friend, a family member, a partner, a job that only highlights your negatives. Drop it now!
I am learning to be kind to myself. We often say horrible things to ourselves. 'You can never make it.' 'Those goals are too high for you.' 'No one can love you.' 'You're so ugly'. Things you would not even say to someone you did not like so much. Teach yourself to be confident and self empowered. I look in the mirror often and tell my reflection she's so sexy and charming then walk away feeling like a million bucks. You slowly start to believe and live by the things you say to yourself, don't be so harsh.
I do things to nurture myself. Things that pamper me and make me feel good. Dancing, eating out in my favorite places, chatting with friends and family, sharing a good laugh, shopping, listening to music, a nice long warm bath, anything that lifts me up. Many times people get lost in doing things for people they forget to ever do anything for themselves. Often, it's a search for approval and acceptance. You have to be happy first to genuinely make other people happy. When you can't do something, speak up and say so. When you won't tolerate something, go a head and let it be known.
I have made self improvement my very good friend. I know I said we should love ourselves with all our shortcomings. But, where you can do something about it, do it. I am trying to eat healthier, work out more, interact better with people. You too can put in a little effort to get you to a place that will make it easier to love yourself. The feeling of lack somewhere may never go away but can be diminished.
When you learn to love yourself, you realize that you won't let anyone treat you any less. You walk, talk and relate with more confidence. You go out and do things that you thought you could never do. The outside world has less effect on how you move forward with your life. Nobody will have the power to determine how fulfilled you feel. Your happiness will be in your hands.
Remember, self love is a process especially if you're coming from a really low point so give it time. Start by self appreciation.
LT
