Who is in your circle of friends?

'Keep your circle small' they say. This has been a tough one for me from way back as a child. My mother says I brought home a new friend everyday all through primary school. Something to do with my personality maybe. I have made attempts to tighten my circle of friends but end up sneaking in one more, then another and another. From kindergarten all through high school, my report card read things like: Linda is a good at making friends, Linda should reduce her number of friends for more concentration, Linda is a good student but always in the company of so many friends.

It was all so cute back then when friendship was all about exchanging dolls, watching movies together and giggling about the hot boys in class. Now as an adult where you can't seem to fully trust or rely on anyone, a few people like my family constantly warn me about having so many 'friends'. My husband calls them people I know, not friends. He has a point. They have warned me of back stabbers, users, frenemies over and over again. On several occasions, I have tried to screw up that 'circle of friends' a little tighter. I now know better how to stay away from certain categories of people.

For someone who let's in so many people you would be surprised to find that I have trust issues and may actually be more careful about the people I surround myself with than people with a tight, shielded, hard-to-break-into circle.


Here's how I see it. Different people bring something different to your relationship.

I have friends I have known from way back in high school or as kids and we clicked so much then. With life throwing us all over the place, we find that we may not have that 'click' anymore but hold each other so dear at heart. These people know the raw you before the world changed you into whatever else you have become.

There are people I have had great friendships with for a while but somehow with life's experiences, we have outgrown each other and can no longer hold conversations at the same wavelength. Nothing happened, they love you, you love them, but that's all there seems to it. They still hold a special place somewhere in your heart but their time in your life ended.

There are people you are comfortable sharing particular conversations with. People who understand you in a unique way. Could be because they have been there or are going through the same thing.  I mean they 'get you' when it comes to certain things. For instance, I have friends I think are really amazing but who would be bored to death with a conversation about the little circles my son draws on my feet every morning when he jumps into my bed while others will go ahead and tell me about the sweet songs their kids sing that don't even make sense and we will giggle about these silly stories for hours.

There are people you are sure to have a fantastic time with at the bar or in the club but that's all you call each other for and that's alright. So expect a text most probably on a Friday or Saturday night when it's time to 'turn-up' like it's called these days and be sure it's going to be a fun-filled evening. Usually no talk of future plans and ambitions are welcome unless it involves a shot of tequila. Everyone needs that friend with whom they can let their hair down, do embarrassing things with and laugh about it the next day. Life's too short to be so serious. Right?

Some people are simply nice to be around or talk to, they have a positive vibe that naturally surrounds them and are a breath of fresh air. You feel good just sitting on the same table with them. You surely want that kind of person in your circle even if that's all there is to them, don't you?

Then there are the new friends that are like long lost siblings. They just seem to have come into your life at the perfect time like a missing piece of the puzzle. Yes, brand new friends can be awesome too.

See why it gets difficult to narrow my circle of friends?

What is more important is knowing where you stand with the people in your life. Over time, you can tell the friend who can't keep a secret, the one you can't trust with finances, the habitual liar who just can help it, the one who is your friend only because it's convenient for them (it just might be convenient for you too, win-win), the one who is most likely to stand by you when shit hits the fan and the one most likely to take off, the one with inappropriate social etiquette just in case you plan on carrying them along for a work cocktail.

Now I know you're wondering "why would someone like that be your friend in the first place?". Because we are all imperfect somewhere but that doesn't necessarily make us bad people.
Simply learn to associate with people accordingly. We all have weaknesses but everyone brings something different to the table at some point and we impact each others lives in unique ways. That's why it has always been hard for me to have a single best friend. It's too much a task to put on one person.

Now I'm not saying every Tom, Dick and Harry should be invited to your party of friends. Be selective on who you give a front seat. There people that are toxic, negative, users that you just can't work around, keep those at a distance. People who have screwed you over again and again and again. Say "enough" and shut that door. People who are simply not transparent enough and your gut simply says NO. Yes, listen to your gut, it can feel negative from miles away we just don't pay attention to it.
Keep closer that friend who will leave whatever they are doing to come and help you get out of a crisis. You know the kind who will borrow money to help you clear a debt. The one who will defend you when everyone else is throwing stones at you.

Friendships should be two-way and a beautiful thing. If a friendship is weighing you down more than it's bringing you up, you most probably should not be in it.

LT