Life away from my African home

I remember when we were kids someone getting on the plane to go abroad was such a big deal, a milestone. It didn't matter what they went to do out there. Tour, work, study. The fact that they were going 'outside countries' was huge. The whole family went to the airport to see them off. They would later send pictures in the heaps of snow (yes, the snow looks really cool when you're from a tropical country), strolling clean streets, shopping in glamorous malls, eating 'exotic' foods. This left us longing for the experience even more. It was just like we watched it in the movies.  Life must be so great out there, they sure never yearn to get back home, or even miss it at all, we believed.
When they returned, they almost smelt and looked different from just living abroad. We looked foward to the stories and foreign goodies. It was all so dreamy and still is for many people.

Fast forward, I am now that friend or relative from overseas. When I go back home, I want to explain to my people that those movies had us fooled, haha. It's not all so cute like we pictured it when you actually live out here. Forget a few days of tour and travel. Those are sure exciting. I cannot forget my first visits overseas. Memories were made.
But I want to tell my people that the exotic cuisine gets old. We crave for that local African food we cared so little about. Walking the clean, organised streets can be lonely with no familiar faces,  everyone in a rush and minding their own business. No one has time for small talk. You don't have relatives in every street corner ready to have your back any time you need a shoulder to cry on. You don't go around dropping at friends and relatives doorsteps unannounced just because you feel like a good laugh or a free meal. Someone the other day told me about a friend who has to make an appointment to see her parents who live in the same city. Talk about cultural differences.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life here. I live in Milan, a metropolitan city that resonates perfectly with my personality. The more of Italy I see, the more I fall in love with it. I feel like a tourist everyday. Learning the language and being able to communicate easily immerses me even deeper into the country. Italians are also very vibrant people, there's never a dull moment.
Coming from a third world country, there's definately a lot to enjoy and get used to in the developed world. Good infrastructure, advanced health care, advanced transort system, accessibility to many of the products we pay an arm and a leg for back home and this is great.

Europe is my home now. With my Italian family and children here, I have a special attachment to it. But when I go back to my other home, my birth home, what I often call my 'real' home, Uganda, it's a breath of fresh air. You know that feeling you get when you have a very cold drink after a long hot day? It's the kind of refreshment I get when I am in Uganda. When I dig into my african cuisine, dance to my local jams with company that understands and enjoys them as much as I do. And, oh the weather!

Interesting enough, after a few weeks of visiting, I start to miss my European home. I complain about this and that. I grumble about the things I could have done much easier if I were in Europe. I seem to notice the things that need to be improved more than the people who have to live with them everyday. I even lament about the scorching tropical sun on a really hot day and miss the European spring and autumn. Then when I am back to Italy, I get terribly homesick and feel like I need to go back where I belong. It's a vicious circle.

It's safe to say I just want the best of both worlds. If there was a way I could piece together my two homes, life would be perfect. But there is no such things as perfect, right?

LT

Women who never want to have kids

Lately I have been stumbling on a lot of articles about women with no children getting sterilized. Some as young as 25 years. Most readers think it is a step too far for a woman who has never had kids to take. The fear being that she will regret it later (because at some point EVERY woman is expected to crave a child). But is it not possible for a woman to know for a fact that they never want to have children and those sentiments remain exactly the same later on in life? It doesn't mean they hate kids. Some could even make more awesome mothers than people who actually have kids. They just don't want to have any of their own.

For the longest time I, like many other people felt motherhood is a natural desire for every woman. A sort of calling, even if the maternal instinct is more alive in some than others. So when a woman says she NEVER wants to have kids, she's most likely to going be harshly judged by society. Like, what's her problem? What a self centered human being! She must be battling some psychological issues.

It was not after I became a mother that I started to understand why some women are more than glad to say NO to this job. Weird as that may sound. It still puzzles me just a little but that is probably because from the moment we are born, especially where I come from, girls are nurtured to become mothers, no questions asked.
Parenting is hard, exhausting, costly and tests you to your furthest limit. You come from being your best to your worst in a span of just minutes. No, seconds. They say it gets easier, no it doesn't. Every stage comes with a new challenge. And to think, with my kids both under three, I still have so much to deal with ahead of me. Not forgetting the toll it takes on your body physically. I see why someone out there would not want to sign up for that if it's really up to them.

When at some point in your life you give in to that maternal impulse and have a child, you have chosen to be a slave for the rest of your life.
Yes, a happy slave. Giving up things you care about like school, work. Being constantly nagged by little human beings. Spending your days covered in drool and baby milk. Fatigue becomes a part of you from waking up several times a night to running after the little ones. Sacrifices are continuously being made. Someone else's well being is more important than yours.
Remember that money you used to spend on travels? Well, now it's covering the piano lessons, the nanny and whatever else your child needs. Everything they do even much later on in life when the  diaper days are long gone affects you.  You still spend sleepless nights worrying about them. How they are performing at school, who their friends are, what they are eating, who they are talking to, who they are dating, what work they are doing. It never ends.
Oh and you get no compensation, no medal for the effort at the end of the day.

It may sound selfish for a woman to say out loud they don't want none of that. To feel that their freedom matters more than this life long commitment. And maybe it is. But that's allowed. Or at least should be. We have all been selfish at some point in our lives and looked out for ourselves and only ourselves. Having children you feel nothing for and will have no interest in raising just to impress people who won't help you bring them up sounds selfish to me. We know many women who have kids because they 'have to' not because they WANT TO. Women who don't have the tinniest pinch of the mother gene but still have children because they are expected to. I mean ''what will people think?''.
I'd rather the honest ones that are open about the fact that motherhood is not cut out for them and choose not to make an innocent child suffer the misery of being brought to this already difficult world unwanted.

These women choose their sanity over this motherhood bliss they only hear about.
You see, it's hard to explain to someone without children that at the end of the day it's all worth it (so cliché, I know). Which part? When they finally grow up and leave you to grow old alone while they start their own families? Haha. Some women might not think the joys of motherhood are all that anyway. They have never experienced it, they have no real idea how special its impact is, so I am slow to judge them for their stance on the idea.

The way I feel about my children, the meaning they bring to my life, the warmth they shower my heart with even when my spirits are low, the look they give me, the hugs, the smiles, the tears are all irreplaceable. A sensation so strong, I wish it on anyone who is in touch with their feelings.
The sense of contentment, sweet emotion that comes with the financial, physical and emotional strain plus the rest of the 'baggage', I wouldn't trade for anything.
This is not something someone looking in from the outside can understand. You cannot explain it but only be experienced. I literally stare at my children every day and know I would choose to be a mother over and over again.
I am willing to stay in this 'prison' and bear all the implications that come with the title (mother) for the rest of my life if I can have this feeling forever.

But that's me. Women out there who are genuinely happy without this bliss should not be given the side eye. They should be left to enjoy the other things that fulfill them and bring them happiness with no guilt. There are as many good reasons not to have children as there are those to have them.

Feel free to share your honest opinion. I'll go back to breastfeeding now. Till next time, cheers.

LT

Dare to dream

If I told you my dreams and aspirations, many of you would secretly think I'm crazy. That's how insanely huge they are, they scare me too. I am not talking about images and thoughts that pass through our minds while we are asleep. I am talking about extravagant ambitions and plans that many would pass off as simply building castles in the air. Well, I am a self confessed dreamer and I believe in the validity of my dreams.

When Lupita Nyong'o came into the limelight after her very first film role in the movie '12 Years A Slave' earned her numerous awards, I thought, now there is a dream coming to life. But again  I thought: she is from an above average family, attended college in America, worked as part of the production crew for many films. So she was not that far off from her dreams. Her dream was more 'realistic' and reachable. Still, the speed and might with which she has climbed up that success ladder goes to show that you can never dream too big. Back when they called her ugly or looked down on her skin tone, who would have known she would be gracing covers of top magazines as one of the world's most beautiful woman!

Then came Aamito Lagum. She feels closer to my idea of 'against all odds'. From a humble background she manged to reach out for her dream and is now living it.
The Ugandan born model took a 12 hour bus drive to Kenya to audition for the first ever cycle of Africa's Next Top Model competition. She beat over 5000 girls, some with long modelling careers and made it to the finals where she later came out as the winner.

I met this young lady at a clothing store a couple of years ago where we had both gone to catch a sale. At that time if she told anyone (me inclusive) that she was going to be walking the 2015 New York, Paris, London, Milan fashion weeks, we would probably laugh before telling her to calm her dreams down, take a seat and have some tea. That's how harshly we invalidate our own dreams and those of others. We are too scared to even look in the direction of our ambitions because they shine so bright.
She is now based in New York signed to a top modelling agency and the success story continues.



Such stories and numerous others around us go to show how far we can get if we only dare to dream. The people who get to live their dreams have the same blood running through their veins like any of us. If they can, so can we.
Many times we rubbish our aspirations into the 'daydream trashcan' because we think they are too big to come true. Sometimes the people closest to us with whom we share them are the first ones to make us shy away from what could have been a living testimony.

To get there, it starts with refusing to stay where you are. Then, getting out to get what you feel belongs to you. You have to stick to it even when the light at the end of the tunnel seems so dim. Ignore the people laughing and mocking you. At the finish line, you will have the last laugh :-)

Please share with us some of your success stories. It's always inspiring.


Go get them happy people! Let's get dreaming.

LT

Pregnant and Fabulous

In the past pregnant women were expected to 'hide' their bumps. Wearing body hugging clothes, keeping up with fashion trends was odd and being sexy in this period was queer. To date, some people don't expect a pregnant woman to be that bothered about style. (At least we get a pass on a bad day. Which is very often, hehe)

Well, times have changed, trends keep coming in and out. Pregnant women can now look and feel as appealing as they did before getting knocked up without being given the side eye. You don't have to switch off your sense of style or shy away from events and settings that require you to dress up.

Some 'ordinary' women have left the fabulousity to celebrities who have a reputation to maintain.
Well guess what? Public figure or not, you can still get out of those buggy sweat pants, wear some make up, comb that shabby hair and rock those new curves. Go to the club, beach, weddings and look good while at it.

I know it's a bit of a task to think about looking stunning on the outside when you feel like crap on the inside. You will have be one of those women whose pregnancies are a walk in the park to keep up with it everyday. But, if your pregnancy is anything like mine (not that smooth), once in a while in between the mood swings, nausea, fatigue and numbers on the scales that seem to go up at the speed of light, you can still make an effort to look good. It helps to lift the spirits on the inside too.

Check out these pregnant women killing it. If they can, so can you.


YOLANDA loves her make up and pregnancy is not about to stop her from dolling that face up. The proud mother of four and upcoming beautician says you don't have to put on full face makeup everyday. Only if you're going out to a party or one of those feel-good days. But, mascara and lip gloss are a must even on a bad day.
She loves travelling and continues to do so during her pregnancies as long as she feels ok, which is also a good way to kill some of the time that can be a drag.
Her pregnancies are not easy. Morning sickness is all day sickness for her.
She gains between 25 and 30 kilograms in all her pregnancies but kept to normal clothes, in bigger sizes.
She wears a few maternity clothes towards the end when she gets really big.

DORAH who is expecting her second child, believes in remaining active during pregnancy. She goes about her usual routine normally like meeting clients, shopping, dining out. She shopped for her pregnancy clothes before she actually conceived and calls them the 'Diva mom outfits'.
She embraces everything that comes with bringing a child into the world including the rough first trimester she had. She is inspired by the fact that she's going to be a second time mom so still finds ways of looking sharp even when she is having a tough time.
In her words, 'Pregnancy is a 9 months opportunity to show a different you, so why not make the whole experience fashionable and fun?' She tries to get more rest, eat right and wants to make it as memorable an experience as she can.

Casual work day

Easy weekend

                 

Date night

BARBARA a stay-at-home mother of one likes to keep it simple but classy while she goes about her usual activities like school meetings, lunches with friends and dinner dates.
She manages to wear her pre-pregnacy clothes as she does not put on so much weight, thanx to eating healthy. When she does buy, she goes for stretchy clothes and body cons that are comfortable. These she can use even after the bump is gone. At home, you will find her in joggers and t shirts.
She wears little or no makeup but follows a strict regime of cleansing, toning and moisturizing. That explains her flawless pregnancy glow.

AGNES proves that you can still flaunt that bump in a bikini. Living in a country where it's nice and sunny all year through, outdoor activities are the norm and pregnancy shouldn't come in the way of it. She is still taking trips out of town to relax and spend time with loved ones. While at it, she busks in the sun rocking her two-piece bathing suits and has never felt sexier.

Putting on a lot of unexpected weight is one of the reasons why many women feel insecure and downplay their sense of style. I always feel like nothing fits right and keep changing from one outfit to another because all I see is bumps and humps. I have found black to be very slimming for me and makes those unwanted bulges less pronounced.

The new weight is no excuse not to shine mamas. You have to understand that your body has changed and find outfits that will flatter that new you. Did you know that there are styles that look better on pregnant women? You have only 9 months to enjoy them, make use of that time.

Look at these celebrities that got way out of their body sizes but still pulled off a great look.

Jessica Simpson in a gorgeous gown

Kim Kardashian in a simple dress accessorized with a chic coat

Personally I  never buy maternity clothes. For the most part I wear my old clothes that already had a loose fitting. When I can't squeeze into them anymore, I buy more or less the same style of clothes in bigger sizes.
Every once in a while when the mood is right, I get my hair done, face beat, get out and show off my bump. My esteem goes several notches up when I get compliments on my bump.

Cheers to all the pregnant ladies keeping it fabulous, feel free to share with us more tips on how to keep it tick while baking that little treasure. Off to 'enjoy' my third trimester.

LT

Confessions of a tall woman

I was out this weekend when I met a pretty tall Dutch girl. It's not so often that I meet women taller than me or even my height. We clicked immediately because we were both impressed with each other's height. It was laughs and giggles all evening, talking about the things we go through and love about being tall.

I only realized how tall I really was when I was about half way through primary school. That's when all the not-so-cute names referring to my 'abnormal' height got louder. Electric pole, Mount Everest, giraffe, and the like. It did not help that I was really skinny, some called me a toothpick. My brother teased me about my height at home but again he teased me about my big eyes, my lisp and many other things, his jokes were not valid. Today, I have a silly petite friend who likes to make fun of my height with the common joke: 'So, Linda what's the weather like up there?' And I reply, 'pretty good. Make sure you don't get stomped on down there dear.' Then she gets mad.

Fast forward into high school, my height felt a little uncomfortable. I was taller than most of the boys so getting asked to dance was ermmmm hard. I felt the pinch more when my crushes were too shy to ask me to the dance floor because I was taller than them. The moment I stood next to some, the crush disappeared like wind because it simply felt odd. The taller guys liked me more of course but why were they also the most annoying and not so easy on the eyes?  But that was alright. I always had lots of fun with plenty of friends and was usually the life of the party. I probably dodged having my heart broken too as I don't remember dating much.

My height has cost me several pairs of fabulous shoes and clothes that I can't fit in. Thank God for the new trend of ankle length pants, I don't have to look like a weirdo anymore. Being 180 meters comes with over sized feet too. Want to know what it means for a woman to have over sized feet? Read Women with long feet.
Wearing high heels often makes me feel like a giantess unless I am with equally tall people. One of the reasons I am grateful for my tall siblings, it's always relaxing hanging with them, never awkward.
Legroom on planes and  in tiny cars is a problem. Even worse, when you have to sit in the back or the person in front of you pulls back their seat. We are made for big, spacious cars. Period :-)
When it comes to hugging much shorter people, it's just weird. Either we have to bend too low and look ridiculous or have the other person's head on our chests.
I'd love to be easily carried off my feet into the air and swung back and forth like the ladies in the movies. With my height, that would be a quite mission for my partner. Piggy back rides are a trick too. Eek!

Tall people problems

Once you're over those little drawbacks, being a tall has its pros that make it super awesome.
There is a respect and authority you automatically command. Not so many people will dare to piss you off. Chances of being bullied are pretty low. We somehow come off as strong and intimidating.
We don't disappear in crowds, we just look over them. At concerts we never have to fight for the front rows. Too bad we can't help blocking the view too.
We can reach high places like shelves without the help of a stool.
We have an advantage in sports. I will have to admit that advantage skipped me though. Damn it! Can't remember the number of times I have been asked if I play basketball? Volleyball? Anything?
In my skinny days I was mistaken for a supermodel a lot or asked to do some casting. That, at least I tried.

Here, go ahead and have a good laugh at some tall girl struggles.

Did you know that several studies have shown a statistically significant correlation between height and intelligence? Research teams have found that there is an association between height and IQ.
There is an air of confidence good height brings. My height is a self esteem boost.
My husband strangely likes it that I am inches taller than him in heels. Still don't understand why. Could it be the long legs? *Wink*. Guess I am unique, it's hard to forget 'that tall girl'.

Can I hear an Amen from tall women and tall women lovers out there!

LT

Pregnancy with a toddler

If your pregnancies are anything similar to mine then pregnancy is not as beautiful and blissful as they often say. It's a beautiful thing growing a little someone inside you. But, the path to holding that amazing person in your arms is not a walk in the park for women like me. Fatigue, nausea, lots of weight gain, name it.

My first pregnancy was overwhelming. You would think that with a planned pregnancy and advise from left, right and center you are good to go. Huh! Everything took me by surprise. From the early symptoms to the body changes and then the whole birth experience.





Now on my second pregnancy. I thought, if I survived the first one when I was clueless about what was coming which I think was one reason why it hit me hard, I should be able to go through number two with much more ease. Wrong! It's a whole new experience baking that bun while parenting a toddler especially if you already don't have a very smooth pregnancy. Forget the first pregnancy bliss where you get to take lazy naps, stay in bed as long as you want, put your legs up etc, No room for all that when you have a cute little monster flying over your growing bump, climbing tables, windows and walls. Yes, he climbs walls.

Half way through pregnancy with my second born and a toddler, I have learnt a few ways to handle the experience or at least a few tips to keep me from going crazy.

I have learnt to pace myself and slow down a bit. Take every day as it comes and some time off to just do nothing. I mean nothing at all. I have lowered my standards. My once spotless kitchen could get a full wipe only after dinner is done. Don't judge me.

I use any help I can get. I usually feel more comfortable doing things my way,myself. But in this case, I  take up any offer to take out my toddler for a walk, to the park or to just watch him for a while with no hesitation. In between potty training, running around and kicks from the growing fetus, any time no matter how short to just be alone and recuperate is great.

Engage your toddler in activities that don't need much of your attention or energy even if that's a hard one with my very interactive son. He wants some tight cuddles every other minute. Sometimes instead of playing the never ending hide and seek, we just sit and watch cartoons, color or I watch him empty and refill toys from his toy basket.

I am exhausted most of the time and my moods are all over the place. On the bright side, with a toddler demanding this and that, watching him go through all these interesting milestones, the pregnancy seems to be moving a little faster this time round. The long naps my son used to take now seem to be shorter even if it's the same time frame. Of course it's because those few hours of tranquility are much more treasured now.

My son is already giving the unborn baby kisses everyday. Adorable! I'm really looking forward to him having a sibling. The sleepless nights, not so much.
Off to enjoy the so called blissful trimester ☺.

LT