Monday, 10 October 2016
Tuesday, 19 April 2016
Take time away from him and the kids
For my birthday few weeks ago, the parents in law gave me a full day spa experience treat. It did not include my husband and I was glad it did not. I know how selfish that must sound. I'm supposed to want to spend every minute I breath with my love, huh. The best part, I got to spend the whole day away from my adorable babies. There's a mother out there thinking, 'how dare she admit to that?' Mummies are supposed to want to watch their kids take every single breath of their lives and sulk if they have to be away from them for a while. False.
This may not be a very popular point of view especially for a first time mother. Some other people will think you are selfish and self centred. We are made to believe that craving to spend some time away from our children means we are lacking a mommy gene somewhere. I know mothers who brag about how they cannot be away from their children in a way that suggests that this makes them better mothers. No it doesn't my dear. Now I know depending on our personalities, some women will feel just fine spending long hours, even days away from their children. Others on the other hand will be more emotional about it. We all know that mother who breathes and lives her children and that's fine. This doesn't in any way make the latter mother better than the former.
Studies have actually shown that quantity of time parents spend with their children does not have as much effect on how they turn out as the quality of this time. And how are you going to improve the quality of time with your child? By taking a breather to let out the fatigue and stress that accumulates over time as we mind our little ones. A little change of atmosphere does wonders.
When I got back from my spa day, my son rushed to the door and gave me the warmest hug ever. My 11 months daughter crawled at the speed of light towards me and clung to my feet. I was refreshed and rejuvenated. We missed each other so much. We often miss the intensity of moments like this when you are with the kids every single minute of every single day. Sometimes you're too tired or 'overdosed' on these cuddles you don't return them with as much passion. My body was now ready to start the routine all over again with new energy. I take a time out every now and then from my kids, even just a couple of hours to think without a toddler coming to me asking to do a poo every 5 minutes. Time to do things out of my home that are not related to the kids or my partner. You get to rest or do whatever it is that may interest you as a person.
A few months ago I went back home to Uganda for 2 months without my husband. Someone asked me, 'how are you going to thrive without him?'. She said she could never be away from her longterm boyfriend more than the hours they are both at work. I found this actually unhealthy. Ps. Not judging.
First of all, there is no way two random adults can have exactly the same interests every single moment. I remember when we had just moved in together with my then boyfriend here in Italy, I used to take him with me to the cinema for Engish movies that show once week. I found out about a year later over drinks with another friend that he was not enjoying our movie dates as much as I thought he was or at least as much as I did. From that day on, English movie night became my night to get out and do something that interests me as Linda. On other days, he goes out and does things he likes too that I don't enjoy that much. So we need to make time to do things that excite us as individuals out of the relationship. I know it's important for couples to spend time together, create memories and share moments. You have a whole lifetime for that.
Back from our 2 months trip, it was so damn refreshing seeing my husband. We had broken the monotony of being in each others face all the time. We understand more what we mean to each other while apart. Little things we take for granted, right?
Do not feel guilty for wanting to be away from your children and partner every now and then. Life can get busy between work, taking care of a home and this virtual world too thanks to social media. We get lost in all of it and forget what it means to be alone. Time alone is necessary for your wellbeing.
You just have to find how and when to do it that works for you. Some partners may not like the idea of taking time off so you need to nicely negotiate this time alone by showing them how necessary it is. It can be just a few hours where you shut out the noise and reflect on your life.
When you stay around your children and partner for so long, they literally live in your head. I spend my day thinking what they are going to eat, what time my husband gets home, what plans we have for the weekend, are they eating enough vegetables. I am left with little time to think about me. My brain is too congested with the daily activities anyway that there's no room to think out of the home. That is when you need to carve time away from all of it and rejuvenate. This helps you not to build up resentment from not having time to yourself. It gives you room to nurture your physical, spiritual and emotional needs. You have an identity outside motherhood and being someone's partner.
Go work out the logistics involved like getting babysitters, throw out the guilt, your children and partner will be fine without you. Get that time out so you can clear your head, regroup and get back in a much better mood.
You don't think you need this? Try it and thank me later.
LT
This may not be a very popular point of view especially for a first time mother. Some other people will think you are selfish and self centred. We are made to believe that craving to spend some time away from our children means we are lacking a mommy gene somewhere. I know mothers who brag about how they cannot be away from their children in a way that suggests that this makes them better mothers. No it doesn't my dear. Now I know depending on our personalities, some women will feel just fine spending long hours, even days away from their children. Others on the other hand will be more emotional about it. We all know that mother who breathes and lives her children and that's fine. This doesn't in any way make the latter mother better than the former.
Studies have actually shown that quantity of time parents spend with their children does not have as much effect on how they turn out as the quality of this time. And how are you going to improve the quality of time with your child? By taking a breather to let out the fatigue and stress that accumulates over time as we mind our little ones. A little change of atmosphere does wonders.
When I got back from my spa day, my son rushed to the door and gave me the warmest hug ever. My 11 months daughter crawled at the speed of light towards me and clung to my feet. I was refreshed and rejuvenated. We missed each other so much. We often miss the intensity of moments like this when you are with the kids every single minute of every single day. Sometimes you're too tired or 'overdosed' on these cuddles you don't return them with as much passion. My body was now ready to start the routine all over again with new energy. I take a time out every now and then from my kids, even just a couple of hours to think without a toddler coming to me asking to do a poo every 5 minutes. Time to do things out of my home that are not related to the kids or my partner. You get to rest or do whatever it is that may interest you as a person.
A few months ago I went back home to Uganda for 2 months without my husband. Someone asked me, 'how are you going to thrive without him?'. She said she could never be away from her longterm boyfriend more than the hours they are both at work. I found this actually unhealthy. Ps. Not judging.
First of all, there is no way two random adults can have exactly the same interests every single moment. I remember when we had just moved in together with my then boyfriend here in Italy, I used to take him with me to the cinema for Engish movies that show once week. I found out about a year later over drinks with another friend that he was not enjoying our movie dates as much as I thought he was or at least as much as I did. From that day on, English movie night became my night to get out and do something that interests me as Linda. On other days, he goes out and does things he likes too that I don't enjoy that much. So we need to make time to do things that excite us as individuals out of the relationship. I know it's important for couples to spend time together, create memories and share moments. You have a whole lifetime for that.
Back from our 2 months trip, it was so damn refreshing seeing my husband. We had broken the monotony of being in each others face all the time. We understand more what we mean to each other while apart. Little things we take for granted, right?
Do not feel guilty for wanting to be away from your children and partner every now and then. Life can get busy between work, taking care of a home and this virtual world too thanks to social media. We get lost in all of it and forget what it means to be alone. Time alone is necessary for your wellbeing.
You just have to find how and when to do it that works for you. Some partners may not like the idea of taking time off so you need to nicely negotiate this time alone by showing them how necessary it is. It can be just a few hours where you shut out the noise and reflect on your life.
When you stay around your children and partner for so long, they literally live in your head. I spend my day thinking what they are going to eat, what time my husband gets home, what plans we have for the weekend, are they eating enough vegetables. I am left with little time to think about me. My brain is too congested with the daily activities anyway that there's no room to think out of the home. That is when you need to carve time away from all of it and rejuvenate. This helps you not to build up resentment from not having time to yourself. It gives you room to nurture your physical, spiritual and emotional needs. You have an identity outside motherhood and being someone's partner.
Go work out the logistics involved like getting babysitters, throw out the guilt, your children and partner will be fine without you. Get that time out so you can clear your head, regroup and get back in a much better mood.
You don't think you need this? Try it and thank me later.
LT
Wednesday, 24 February 2016
Airport musings
Since childhood airports have been a special place for me. Way before I ever got on a plane. First were the airport dropoffs and pickups that for some reason were the highlight of any holiday season. The airport mood was always a thrill. Right from the time we left the house to the time the plane flew off the runway. Also, I have always had a traveler's heart so I knew airports would someday be my favorite 'hangout'.
The hubby and I were in a long distance relationship for a while in our dating days. In this period, airports grew on me even more. It was the place we first saw each other after many weeks of being apart. The warmth of those hugs and kisses was breathtaking, literally. It is where our vacations would commence. We would meet halfway at some airport and take it from there. Exciting times! Unfortunately it was also the place for goodbyes.
There's an indescribable mystery that surrounds airports. You can be anyone, going anywhere. I love to sit and watch people then create them a life story and destination. I have quite a few good friendships that started at an airport. It's a famous birthplace of modern romance, and who doesn't enjoy a good love story. I know I do.
A few years ago I was on one of my travels, dressed in a cute, white, floral dress, chic purse in my hands, wearing deep red lipstick with my big sunglasses on. I sat in one of the bars at the airport sipping a mojito as I waited for my connecting flight. You could smell the glitz that surrounded me from miles away. That's the only way I knew how to appear for my airport dates, in style.
Few sips into my drink and I'm woken out of my daydream by a mother dragging her toddler off the floor. He rolled and tossed down there like he had ants marching all over his body. The desperate mother begged, shouted, bribed and pulled all those other tricks you mothers already know to try and get him to move before they missed their flight but all was in vain. I silently gave her the side eye thinking 'tame your child woman'. She on the other hand looked at me with eyes that seemed to say 'I envy you right now but don't you dare judge me'. The battle between mother and what seemed like a 2 year old son went on for a while until she managed to lift him off the floor and hold him tightly to her body along with the hand luggage she was already carrying.
First forward to not so long ago, I was that woman. Airports currently give me shivers. The like you get when you're waiting for that line(s) to show on a pregnancy test for a pregnancy you're not ready for. They make me nervous, anxious, angry, sweaty, thanks to my younglings. Traveling with my little kids has had me throw out all that glamour I mentioned earlier. If I could go back and apologise to that woman for giving her the 'what kind of mother can't keep her kid in check' look, I would. I now know exactly what emotions she was going through at that point. She probably hated me the same way I hated the lady that swayed past me carrying (only) a gucci clutch the size of my wallet, browsing through the magazines in the duty free shops with a relaxed air on her face that I would trade my kids for at that point in time.
I was dressed like I was ready to hit a marathon. Black leggings to cover the inevitable spills of food and milk. Sneakers to easily run after my little monster. Loose, dark coloured top because I am guaranteed a lot of sweating. Don't ask me what is in that bag I am carrying. Just picture what you would pack for two small kids if you had just 5 mins to exit your house. Everything. Oh and make sure you don't forget that favorite toy or you're in for a massive tantrum. I will not go into the numerous luggage checks where I had to load and offload everything I had on me including the baby. That's a story for another day.
That was the experience from my most recent travel with a 7 months old baby and vibrant 2.5 years old toddler from Europe to Africa and back. I promised myself not to do it again without extra hands until they are a little older. So I'm hoping to pull off at least half of my old sophisticated airport look on the next travel.
I feel like I had a breakup with a long time lover (read airport) and I want them back. I need to rekindle those pleasant tingles I got when I stepped into the airport lobby. That calls for a vacay (without the kids), right?
LT
The hubby and I were in a long distance relationship for a while in our dating days. In this period, airports grew on me even more. It was the place we first saw each other after many weeks of being apart. The warmth of those hugs and kisses was breathtaking, literally. It is where our vacations would commence. We would meet halfway at some airport and take it from there. Exciting times! Unfortunately it was also the place for goodbyes.
There's an indescribable mystery that surrounds airports. You can be anyone, going anywhere. I love to sit and watch people then create them a life story and destination. I have quite a few good friendships that started at an airport. It's a famous birthplace of modern romance, and who doesn't enjoy a good love story. I know I do.
A few years ago I was on one of my travels, dressed in a cute, white, floral dress, chic purse in my hands, wearing deep red lipstick with my big sunglasses on. I sat in one of the bars at the airport sipping a mojito as I waited for my connecting flight. You could smell the glitz that surrounded me from miles away. That's the only way I knew how to appear for my airport dates, in style.
Few sips into my drink and I'm woken out of my daydream by a mother dragging her toddler off the floor. He rolled and tossed down there like he had ants marching all over his body. The desperate mother begged, shouted, bribed and pulled all those other tricks you mothers already know to try and get him to move before they missed their flight but all was in vain. I silently gave her the side eye thinking 'tame your child woman'. She on the other hand looked at me with eyes that seemed to say 'I envy you right now but don't you dare judge me'. The battle between mother and what seemed like a 2 year old son went on for a while until she managed to lift him off the floor and hold him tightly to her body along with the hand luggage she was already carrying.
First forward to not so long ago, I was that woman. Airports currently give me shivers. The like you get when you're waiting for that line(s) to show on a pregnancy test for a pregnancy you're not ready for. They make me nervous, anxious, angry, sweaty, thanks to my younglings. Traveling with my little kids has had me throw out all that glamour I mentioned earlier. If I could go back and apologise to that woman for giving her the 'what kind of mother can't keep her kid in check' look, I would. I now know exactly what emotions she was going through at that point. She probably hated me the same way I hated the lady that swayed past me carrying (only) a gucci clutch the size of my wallet, browsing through the magazines in the duty free shops with a relaxed air on her face that I would trade my kids for at that point in time.
 |
| Setting off with my younglings |
 |
| My son cooling off on the airport floors |
That was the experience from my most recent travel with a 7 months old baby and vibrant 2.5 years old toddler from Europe to Africa and back. I promised myself not to do it again without extra hands until they are a little older. So I'm hoping to pull off at least half of my old sophisticated airport look on the next travel.
I feel like I had a breakup with a long time lover (read airport) and I want them back. I need to rekindle those pleasant tingles I got when I stepped into the airport lobby. That calls for a vacay (without the kids), right?
LT
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