Pregnant and Fabulous

In the past pregnant women were expected to 'hide' their bumps. Wearing body hugging clothes, keeping up with fashion trends was odd and being sexy in this period was queer. To date, some people don't expect a pregnant woman to be that bothered about style. (At least we get a pass on a bad day. Which is very often, hehe)

Well, times have changed, trends keep coming in and out. Pregnant women can now look and feel as appealing as they did before getting knocked up without being given the side eye. You don't have to switch off your sense of style or shy away from events and settings that require you to dress up.

Some 'ordinary' women have left the fabulousity to celebrities who have a reputation to maintain.
Well guess what? Public figure or not, you can still get out of those buggy sweat pants, wear some make up, comb that shabby hair and rock those new curves. Go to the club, beach, weddings and look good while at it.

I know it's a bit of a task to think about looking stunning on the outside when you feel like crap on the inside. You will have be one of those women whose pregnancies are a walk in the park to keep up with it everyday. But, if your pregnancy is anything like mine (not that smooth), once in a while in between the mood swings, nausea, fatigue and numbers on the scales that seem to go up at the speed of light, you can still make an effort to look good. It helps to lift the spirits on the inside too.

Check out these pregnant women killing it. If they can, so can you.


YOLANDA loves her make up and pregnancy is not about to stop her from dolling that face up. The proud mother of four and upcoming beautician says you don't have to put on full face makeup everyday. Only if you're going out to a party or one of those feel-good days. But, mascara and lip gloss are a must even on a bad day.
She loves travelling and continues to do so during her pregnancies as long as she feels ok, which is also a good way to kill some of the time that can be a drag.
Her pregnancies are not easy. Morning sickness is all day sickness for her.
She gains between 25 and 30 kilograms in all her pregnancies but kept to normal clothes, in bigger sizes.
She wears a few maternity clothes towards the end when she gets really big.

DORAH who is expecting her second child, believes in remaining active during pregnancy. She goes about her usual routine normally like meeting clients, shopping, dining out. She shopped for her pregnancy clothes before she actually conceived and calls them the 'Diva mom outfits'.
She embraces everything that comes with bringing a child into the world including the rough first trimester she had. She is inspired by the fact that she's going to be a second time mom so still finds ways of looking sharp even when she is having a tough time.
In her words, 'Pregnancy is a 9 months opportunity to show a different you, so why not make the whole experience fashionable and fun?' She tries to get more rest, eat right and wants to make it as memorable an experience as she can.

Casual work day

Easy weekend

                 

Date night

BARBARA a stay-at-home mother of one likes to keep it simple but classy while she goes about her usual activities like school meetings, lunches with friends and dinner dates.
She manages to wear her pre-pregnacy clothes as she does not put on so much weight, thanx to eating healthy. When she does buy, she goes for stretchy clothes and body cons that are comfortable. These she can use even after the bump is gone. At home, you will find her in joggers and t shirts.
She wears little or no makeup but follows a strict regime of cleansing, toning and moisturizing. That explains her flawless pregnancy glow.

AGNES proves that you can still flaunt that bump in a bikini. Living in a country where it's nice and sunny all year through, outdoor activities are the norm and pregnancy shouldn't come in the way of it. She is still taking trips out of town to relax and spend time with loved ones. While at it, she busks in the sun rocking her two-piece bathing suits and has never felt sexier.

Putting on a lot of unexpected weight is one of the reasons why many women feel insecure and downplay their sense of style. I always feel like nothing fits right and keep changing from one outfit to another because all I see is bumps and humps. I have found black to be very slimming for me and makes those unwanted bulges less pronounced.

The new weight is no excuse not to shine mamas. You have to understand that your body has changed and find outfits that will flatter that new you. Did you know that there are styles that look better on pregnant women? You have only 9 months to enjoy them, make use of that time.

Look at these celebrities that got way out of their body sizes but still pulled off a great look.

Jessica Simpson in a gorgeous gown

Kim Kardashian in a simple dress accessorized with a chic coat

Personally I  never buy maternity clothes. For the most part I wear my old clothes that already had a loose fitting. When I can't squeeze into them anymore, I buy more or less the same style of clothes in bigger sizes.
Every once in a while when the mood is right, I get my hair done, face beat, get out and show off my bump. My esteem goes several notches up when I get compliments on my bump.

Cheers to all the pregnant ladies keeping it fabulous, feel free to share with us more tips on how to keep it tick while baking that little treasure. Off to 'enjoy' my third trimester.

LT

Confessions of a tall woman

I was out this weekend when I met a pretty tall Dutch girl. It's not so often that I meet women taller than me or even my height. We clicked immediately because we were both impressed with each other's height. It was laughs and giggles all evening, talking about the things we go through and love about being tall.

I only realized how tall I really was when I was about half way through primary school. That's when all the not-so-cute names referring to my 'abnormal' height got louder. Electric pole, Mount Everest, giraffe, and the like. It did not help that I was really skinny, some called me a toothpick. My brother teased me about my height at home but again he teased me about my big eyes, my lisp and many other things, his jokes were not valid. Today, I have a silly petite friend who likes to make fun of my height with the common joke: 'So, Linda what's the weather like up there?' And I reply, 'pretty good. Make sure you don't get stomped on down there dear.' Then she gets mad.

Fast forward into high school, my height felt a little uncomfortable. I was taller than most of the boys so getting asked to dance was ermmmm hard. I felt the pinch more when my crushes were too shy to ask me to the dance floor because I was taller than them. The moment I stood next to some, the crush disappeared like wind because it simply felt odd. The taller guys liked me more of course but why were they also the most annoying and not so easy on the eyes?  But that was alright. I always had lots of fun with plenty of friends and was usually the life of the party. I probably dodged having my heart broken too as I don't remember dating much.

My height has cost me several pairs of fabulous shoes and clothes that I can't fit in. Thank God for the new trend of ankle length pants, I don't have to look like a weirdo anymore. Being 180 meters comes with over sized feet too. Want to know what it means for a woman to have over sized feet? Read Women with long feet.
Wearing high heels often makes me feel like a giantess unless I am with equally tall people. One of the reasons I am grateful for my tall siblings, it's always relaxing hanging with them, never awkward.
Legroom on planes and  in tiny cars is a problem. Even worse, when you have to sit in the back or the person in front of you pulls back their seat. We are made for big, spacious cars. Period :-)
When it comes to hugging much shorter people, it's just weird. Either we have to bend too low and look ridiculous or have the other person's head on our chests.
I'd love to be easily carried off my feet into the air and swung back and forth like the ladies in the movies. With my height, that would be a quite mission for my partner. Piggy back rides are a trick too. Eek!

Tall people problems

Once you're over those little drawbacks, being a tall has its pros that make it super awesome.
There is a respect and authority you automatically command. Not so many people will dare to piss you off. Chances of being bullied are pretty low. We somehow come off as strong and intimidating.
We don't disappear in crowds, we just look over them. At concerts we never have to fight for the front rows. Too bad we can't help blocking the view too.
We can reach high places like shelves without the help of a stool.
We have an advantage in sports. I will have to admit that advantage skipped me though. Damn it! Can't remember the number of times I have been asked if I play basketball? Volleyball? Anything?
In my skinny days I was mistaken for a supermodel a lot or asked to do some casting. That, at least I tried.

Here, go ahead and have a good laugh at some tall girl struggles.

Did you know that several studies have shown a statistically significant correlation between height and intelligence? Research teams have found that there is an association between height and IQ.
There is an air of confidence good height brings. My height is a self esteem boost.
My husband strangely likes it that I am inches taller than him in heels. Still don't understand why. Could it be the long legs? *Wink*. Guess I am unique, it's hard to forget 'that tall girl'.

Can I hear an Amen from tall women and tall women lovers out there!

LT

Pregnancy with a toddler

If your pregnancies are anything similar to mine then pregnancy is not as beautiful and blissful as they often say. It's a beautiful thing growing a little someone inside you. But, the path to holding that amazing person in your arms is not a walk in the park for women like me. Fatigue, nausea, lots of weight gain, name it.

My first pregnancy was overwhelming. You would think that with a planned pregnancy and advise from left, right and center you are good to go. Huh! Everything took me by surprise. From the early symptoms to the body changes and then the whole birth experience.





Now on my second pregnancy. I thought, if I survived the first one when I was clueless about what was coming which I think was one reason why it hit me hard, I should be able to go through number two with much more ease. Wrong! It's a whole new experience baking that bun while parenting a toddler especially if you already don't have a very smooth pregnancy. Forget the first pregnancy bliss where you get to take lazy naps, stay in bed as long as you want, put your legs up etc, No room for all that when you have a cute little monster flying over your growing bump, climbing tables, windows and walls. Yes, he climbs walls.

Half way through pregnancy with my second born and a toddler, I have learnt a few ways to handle the experience or at least a few tips to keep me from going crazy.

I have learnt to pace myself and slow down a bit. Take every day as it comes and some time off to just do nothing. I mean nothing at all. I have lowered my standards. My once spotless kitchen could get a full wipe only after dinner is done. Don't judge me.

I use any help I can get. I usually feel more comfortable doing things my way,myself. But in this case, I  take up any offer to take out my toddler for a walk, to the park or to just watch him for a while with no hesitation. In between potty training, running around and kicks from the growing fetus, any time no matter how short to just be alone and recuperate is great.

Engage your toddler in activities that don't need much of your attention or energy even if that's a hard one with my very interactive son. He wants some tight cuddles every other minute. Sometimes instead of playing the never ending hide and seek, we just sit and watch cartoons, color or I watch him empty and refill toys from his toy basket.

I am exhausted most of the time and my moods are all over the place. On the bright side, with a toddler demanding this and that, watching him go through all these interesting milestones, the pregnancy seems to be moving a little faster this time round. The long naps my son used to take now seem to be shorter even if it's the same time frame. Of course it's because those few hours of tranquility are much more treasured now.

My son is already giving the unborn baby kisses everyday. Adorable! I'm really looking forward to him having a sibling. The sleepless nights, not so much.
Off to enjoy the so called blissful trimester ☺.

LT

Single moms! Fill the daddy gap.

I have been asked a few times if I wish I had a daddy in my life. If I feel like I missed out on something growing up with a single mother. When I respond, I can feel or see that my response is unexpected because my answer is NO. To some, this is either a lie or I am in denial.
May be life would have been 'better', may be I would have grown up into a different woman, may be my opportunities would have been different, may be my mother would not have to work as hard as she does, who knows. But I never at any one moment sit and build castles in the air picturing what it would be like to have 'dad' in my vocabulary (It's not a word I am very familiar with) or to come back home to a big daddy hug. I have seen people with awesome fathers and instead of the wishful thinking, my only thought is-good for them. Could it be that I just can't miss something I don't know?

This was an indicator to me that single mothers can actually fully fill that daddy void and they don't even know it. Since no woman (but a few) makes it their life goal to be a single mom, there is no black and white formula as to how the daddy gap can be filled. The love that naturally flows from that maternal cup and the realization that your child has only you does the job.

At ours, we did not have so much. My mother was always picking ideas here and there on how to make ends meet. We now joke about the hard times we had. I ask her how she did it. She also has no idea when she looks back. She was a little tough and rules were to be followed (even if I was a crazy one) because she knew she had to handle this in any way she possibly could. There was a joy that always surrounded our single-parent-home. We played and enjoyed things like any other children. And we turned out fine.




Many single mothers on forums all over the internet curse absent fathers, forcefully try to drag unwilling fathers into their children's lives. They feel it's better to have that 'father' in whatever form he comes, that is, abusive, irresponsible, unsupportive, than to have their child 'fatherless'. I understand it, now that I am a mother, seeing what joy my husband gives my son. Stop whining, get up and dance to the music. He is absent for a reason.
Focusing so much on the absence of the father, you miss out on filling the gap he left. And, the negativity rubs off on the little ones. Single mothers should instead make time for their children a midst all the hustle and bustle, be involved in their lives, bond with them. They have just you to do it anyway. Good father figures like uncles can also be a great influence on your child, try and give them that male someone they can look up to. Choose wisely!

Time to look on the bright side ladies. Children brought up by single mothers have responsibility to themselves and a self drive to do things like no other. They are strong and thrive so well through difficulties. They know mummy is working hard to make ends meet and she is doing it on her own so they have to make it worth while. They usually feel the need to give back to their mothers who have single-handedly been there to support their financial, emotional, and any other needs. This is such a motivation for them to be the best they can be. We all know not all present fathers are good daddies. So who knows, his being away could have been good riddance to bad rubbish after all. A one parent happy home is better than a two parent one that is always in conflict. Children derive a lot of positive and negative vibes from the environment they grow up in. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's not easy to put a positive spin on your situation when you are making so many sacrifices to deliver the best parenting you can but there are bonuses to enjoy from single parenthood. Use the chance to form an even closer relationship with your children.


There's no denying that there is the dark side. The psychological effects so-called studies have found. The strain on you to deliver the best for your child with no extra help can easily divert your energy away from your children hence forgetting to provide the necessary attention. Builds up a lot of stress too.
It's in your hands to try and drive these as far away from your home as possible. Create a loving home, build their esteem so that they don't feel like other children have something more special than them. Be a good example, your children are looking up to you and only you. Don't go around bashing men, telling your children how terrible all of them are, including their father. You must be honest about the reasons their father is not in their lives but highlight that there are many wonderful daddies out there. This is especially if you have daughters, you don't want them having 'daddy issues' in their future relationships. If you choose to date again or remarry, choose men that are going to be a good father figure to your children, not just one that satisfies your needs.
Don't be so afraid to mess up. Even children with fathers in their lives go astray. Just be the best mother you can be.


Ask me what I would do if I had a chance to turn back time and have a father in my life? I'd leave things just the way they are. I'd only sneak in a father-daughter dance on my wedding day, haha. It has always made me teary with its beauty.
I may be not have everything I want or hoped for but I am grateful with how my life played out with a single mom. She may not have done everything right (no parent does) but she did and is still doing an incredible job that I can never be able to repay her for no matter how much I tried. I developed a sense of maturity way above my age and it prepared me for the real world way faster than many people I know from two-parent homes.
The ideal home with both parents is great and everyone should give it their best shot but if it doesn't happen, embrace the uniqueness of single parenting.

Thank you mummy for the painful sacrifices you continue to make for us and for perfectly filling the father gap like there was no gap at all.
Cheers to all the strong women who are not playing victim but standing up and dealing with it.


LT

Who is in your circle of friends?

'Keep your circle small' they say. This has been a tough one for me from way back as a child. My mother says I brought home a new friend everyday all through primary school. Something to do with my personality maybe. I have made attempts to tighten my circle of friends but end up sneaking in one more, then another and another. From kindergarten all through high school, my report card read things like: Linda is a good at making friends, Linda should reduce her number of friends for more concentration, Linda is a good student but always in the company of so many friends.

It was all so cute back then when friendship was all about exchanging dolls, watching movies together and giggling about the hot boys in class. Now as an adult where you can't seem to fully trust or rely on anyone, a few people like my family constantly warn me about having so many 'friends'. My husband calls them people I know, not friends. He has a point. They have warned me of back stabbers, users, frenemies over and over again. On several occasions, I have tried to screw up that 'circle of friends' a little tighter. I now know better how to stay away from certain categories of people.

For someone who let's in so many people you would be surprised to find that I have trust issues and may actually be more careful about the people I surround myself with than people with a tight, shielded, hard-to-break-into circle.


Here's how I see it. Different people bring something different to your relationship.

I have friends I have known from way back in high school or as kids and we clicked so much then. With life throwing us all over the place, we find that we may not have that 'click' anymore but hold each other so dear at heart. These people know the raw you before the world changed you into whatever else you have become.

There are people I have had great friendships with for a while but somehow with life's experiences, we have outgrown each other and can no longer hold conversations at the same wavelength. Nothing happened, they love you, you love them, but that's all there seems to it. They still hold a special place somewhere in your heart but their time in your life ended.

There are people you are comfortable sharing particular conversations with. People who understand you in a unique way. Could be because they have been there or are going through the same thing.  I mean they 'get you' when it comes to certain things. For instance, I have friends I think are really amazing but who would be bored to death with a conversation about the little circles my son draws on my feet every morning when he jumps into my bed while others will go ahead and tell me about the sweet songs their kids sing that don't even make sense and we will giggle about these silly stories for hours.

There are people you are sure to have a fantastic time with at the bar or in the club but that's all you call each other for and that's alright. So expect a text most probably on a Friday or Saturday night when it's time to 'turn-up' like it's called these days and be sure it's going to be a fun-filled evening. Usually no talk of future plans and ambitions are welcome unless it involves a shot of tequila. Everyone needs that friend with whom they can let their hair down, do embarrassing things with and laugh about it the next day. Life's too short to be so serious. Right?

Some people are simply nice to be around or talk to, they have a positive vibe that naturally surrounds them and are a breath of fresh air. You feel good just sitting on the same table with them. You surely want that kind of person in your circle even if that's all there is to them, don't you?

Then there are the new friends that are like long lost siblings. They just seem to have come into your life at the perfect time like a missing piece of the puzzle. Yes, brand new friends can be awesome too.

See why it gets difficult to narrow my circle of friends?

What is more important is knowing where you stand with the people in your life. Over time, you can tell the friend who can't keep a secret, the one you can't trust with finances, the habitual liar who just can help it, the one who is your friend only because it's convenient for them (it just might be convenient for you too, win-win), the one who is most likely to stand by you when shit hits the fan and the one most likely to take off, the one with inappropriate social etiquette just in case you plan on carrying them along for a work cocktail.

Now I know you're wondering "why would someone like that be your friend in the first place?". Because we are all imperfect somewhere but that doesn't necessarily make us bad people.
Simply learn to associate with people accordingly. We all have weaknesses but everyone brings something different to the table at some point and we impact each others lives in unique ways. That's why it has always been hard for me to have a single best friend. It's too much a task to put on one person.

Now I'm not saying every Tom, Dick and Harry should be invited to your party of friends. Be selective on who you give a front seat. There people that are toxic, negative, users that you just can't work around, keep those at a distance. People who have screwed you over again and again and again. Say "enough" and shut that door. People who are simply not transparent enough and your gut simply says NO. Yes, listen to your gut, it can feel negative from miles away we just don't pay attention to it.
Keep closer that friend who will leave whatever they are doing to come and help you get out of a crisis. You know the kind who will borrow money to help you clear a debt. The one who will defend you when everyone else is throwing stones at you.

Friendships should be two-way and a beautiful thing. If a friendship is weighing you down more than it's bringing you up, you most probably should not be in it.

LT

Fall in love with YOU

Everyone secretly pictures what it would be like if some things about them were different. A smaller nose, a flatter tummy, a rounder butt. Back in high school, I thought I was too skinny. I wanted to have curves so bad. Now that the curves fully blossomed, I want that skinny body back. Society is continuously putting pressure on us to think, behave and look a certain way in order to be good enough to fit in. Yet, what blows A away may turn off B. You can't please everyone and there's always a new 'cool' coming up everyday. It's a never ending story that can only have a happy ever after if we could just love ourselves with what we have. As cliche as that sounds.

Right now if you asked me if I could change something about myself, I have a few things in mind. I recently asked my mother the same question to which she responded, "nothing". She told me she is well aware of her imperfections and maybe a few changes would be great but she's so confident with who she is, she barely gives the flaws any thought, she forgets they exist. We all need that kind of mindset.
I think it's normal to want to improve things about yourself. Not just physically but mentally, emotionally even spiritually. It should not be a bad thing, there is always room for improvement. It's only a problem when the need to 'be better' makes you lose your self worth and pulls down your esteem. When you are occupied with the feeling of not being 'good enough' that it affects your well being.

A day doesn't go by without stumbling on a quote or update somewhere on social media about loving yourself. It's all become so much talk but no action. Most of us say these things without actually meaning or believing any of  it. We go on about how important it is to love ourselves because it makes us feel good for those few minutes of writing or reading it.
Don't you want to have that 'feel good' feeling every morning when you wake up? I know it's all easier said than done but very possible if you get out and do something about it.

I have been working on loving myself more and still a work in progress. It's an awesome journey I thought I'd share what I have learnt along the way. It's not something that happens overnight but like a child learning to walk, you start with baby steps, stagger here and there, until you can walk firmly.

Self love is not thinking you are better than others. It doesn't mean throwing it in peoples' faces that your esteem is high up there. It's very easy to drift from self love to narcissism.
Self love is self acceptance, knowing you are good enough with all your imperfections and don't need anyone's validation or anything on the outside to make you feel that way, it's from within. A lot about how people feel about you roots from how you feel about yourself.

So......

I have learnt that loving myself starts from treating and caring for myself really well. Look good to feel good, I always say. I will wear a fancy dress and my most attractive lipstick for no reason. Reminds me I am all that and more on those days when I feel 10 years older.

I constantly point out awesome things about me. Say, my long legs and outgoing personality, haha. A midst all the imperfections, there are wonderful things about everybody. Take a moment and highlight yours. You will be surprised how many wonderful things you overlooked all this time while you paid attention to the 'defects'.

I resist comparing myself to others. It's only human that you wish you had things someone else already has. I would love to have Lupita's success, my neighbor's house, my sister's killer body but guess what, they wish they had someone else's something too or even something I already have. We would most probably want some more if we got what we think would make us feel better right now. It's a viscous circle. Believe me, comparison it's a trap, every one is suffering with something even if it doesn't show. Love what YOU have been blessed with. 

I surround myself with love and positivity. People and situations that make you feel less of yourself are not good for you. Cut them off. These put pressure on you to be all kinds of things that you lose sight of who you really are or can be. That's why it is important for parents to tell their children right from childhood how special they are, it raises them to love who they are. It could be a friend, a family member, a partner, a job that only highlights your negatives. Drop it now!

I am learning to be kind to myself. We often say horrible things to ourselves. 'You can never make it.' 'Those goals are too high for you.' 'No one can love you.' 'You're so ugly'. Things you would not even say to someone you did not like so much. Teach yourself to be confident and self empowered. I look in the mirror often and tell my reflection she's so sexy and charming then walk away feeling like a million bucks. You slowly start to believe and live by the things you say to yourself, don't be so harsh. 

I do things to nurture myself. Things that pamper me and make me feel good. Dancing, eating out in my favorite places, chatting with friends and family, sharing a good laugh, shopping, listening to music, a nice long warm bath, anything that lifts me up. Many times people get lost in doing things for people they forget to ever do anything for themselves. Often, it's a search for approval and acceptance. You have to be happy first to genuinely make other people happy. When you can't do something, speak up and say so. When you won't tolerate something, go a head and let it be known.

I have made self improvement my very good friend. I know I said we should love ourselves with all our shortcomings. But, where you can do something about it, do it. I am trying to eat healthier, work out more, interact better with people. You too can put in a little effort to get you to a place that will make it easier to love yourself. The feeling of lack somewhere may never go away but can be diminished.

When you learn to love yourself, you realize that you won't let anyone treat you any less. You walk, talk and relate with more confidence. You go out and do things that you thought you could never do. The outside world has less effect on how you move forward with your life. Nobody will have the power to determine how fulfilled you feel. Your happiness will be in your hands.

Remember, self love is a process especially if you're coming from a really low point so give it time. Start by self appreciation.

Happy self loving.

LT

Why I married a white guy

He is wealthy. He is a better lover. He cooks. He helps around the house. He helps with the baby. Bla Bla Bla. Those are some of the responses people would like to hear when they gather the guts to ask, 'How come you married a white guy?' along with other questions like, 'Did you always know you would marry a white man?' 'Is he different from black guys?' You know, like he breathes a different type of air or dropped from somewhere in the clouds. While some or all of those qualities might be true, they have nothing to do with his skin color but the person he is.

I'd like to point out that this post is personalized from my research, daily life and interactions with other people. I respect that many might have a different point of view. Having said that, I do know that I am also speaking for very many out there. Now let's carry on :-)

''I am a black woman married to a white man. I tried the Black man, all were thugs, even the educated ones. Could not marry that. Tried a white guy almost by accident, it just happened. Though we later broke up as friends, I was hooked. Dated exclusively to white guys after that. When I married it was a dream come true. Our life is great and our kids (3) are great also. My girlfriends are all trying to meet white guys also....no more black criminal thugs who think it alright to cheat, lie, steal etc. Yes I understand there are exceptions, and I apologize to them, but not enough exceptions to be worth the chance. And I plan to encourage our daughter to also marry a white guy. They are the BEST. To my black sisters out there, get out there and find a white guy. You won't regret it.''

This is something I read somewhere on the internet and it made me sad. I have always thought it's a silly thing to attribute all good qualities to one group of people while attributing all bad ones to another. One of the reasons I don't go by stereotypes so much. People are just people for the most part. There are good and bad men in every continent. Then of course some tendencies are more common among certain groups than others and I acknowledge that. But I have a problem with people putting down one race because they prefer another. We all have preferences, doesn't make them the best choices or others any less good. I also have a problem with the common assumption that black women married to white men can't possibly be there because they found a nice, loving, husband in a white man. She must have been on a look out for the white knight. A relationship based on skin color so to speak like the Mrs. I quoted up there clearly displays it.


When my husband and I met, we made no impression on each other at all (it did not matter he was white and I was black). After a few dates and getting to know each other more just as friends, we realized there were things we had in common and  many we liked about each other. PS; still not related to our races, just who we are as individuals. We saw each other as human beings first before we cared what our cultures and heritage contributed to who we are. Which they do. Depending on where you are raised, you learn to do certain things a certain way but you are still you despite this. Say, kind, sensitive, loving, impatient, aggressive, intolerant, you name it.

Five years and a handsome toddler later, our home is a very interracial one. We do 'white people stuff' as well as dance to African jams. We are teaching our son to embrace his African heritage while he celebrates being part Italian.

Our traditional marriage

So I did not marry a white man to escape the polygamous, unfaithful, unromantic African man. Neither did he marry an African girl because she is super submissive or easy to manipulate. No offence to those who married for those reasons, to each his own, as long as you are happy. If I had met a green, yellow, blue man with the same awesomeness my husband has, I would have married him.
Interracial marriages are not some sort of solution to God knows what, because guess what, there are white men that don't cook, don't clean, batter their wives, far from romantic and broke as a church mouse. Just like there are fantastic African brothers that have been raised to treat their partners like queens.
No one needs to explain their reasons for marrying who ever they chose to marry. This is not some sort of justification for marrying a white man.


Interracial marriages have ups and downs like all other marriages. Further more, we have to deal with the difference in culture and blending the two together which can be a challenge. Culture is a part of who we are. My husband and I are now used to not laughing at the same jokes sometimes. Or misunderstanding each other simply because what may be normal for me might be weird for him and vice versa. A midst all this, we find a balance.

I'd be a hypocrite if I denied that there are perks of being married to a white man that I am glad I get to enjoy. Some things about his culture that I am glad to be apart of. Things from my culture that I am happy I got to avoid. I still wouldn't assure anyone that they are guaranteed a 'happy ever after' by just marrying a white man.

To my friends who tell me I'm lucky to be married to a white man, you're wrong. I'm lucky to be married to a good man. Period. So are my friends who are married to men of other races that are treating them right.
I have not done the statistics on which race has the best men and honestly I don't care. What is important is that you find love, respect, understanding, compatibility and all those other elements you look for in a partner. If a certain skin color is on your list, suit yourself :-)

And that is why I married this white man, we are imperfectly perfect for each other.

More posts on interracial love coming..........

LT