For the love of twins

I picked interest in twins back when the series 'Sweet Valley High', starring the Wakefield twin sisters still showed. I always wondered what it felt like to be a twin. Did they have a special connection that other siblings don't have? A telepathic sort of thing? Could they read each others minds?

Me and my sisters look so much alike and have been mistaken for the other a few times. I kind of have an idea what it's like to have someone out there who looks like you. But someone who looks EXACTLY like you, born on the same day, at more or less the same time, that must be far more interesting.

Where I come from, there are special surnames reserved for twins as well as their parents. (Babirye for the older twin girl, Nakato for the younger twin girl, Kato for the younger twin boy and Wasswa for the older twin boy. The mother and father are Nalongo and Salongo respectively). So you can tell who a twin is from their names. There are also so many rituals and myths that surrounded twins, like special songs and dances that took place when twins were born to officially welcome them to the family. Twins born out of wedlock had to be revealed and brought into their father's main home. If one twin died, something to represent a piece of the other twin had to be buried with them. To mean the other twin could not be left to rest alone. They also said that if the twins were not treated exactly the same, the twin that is treated less fairly could bring bad omen in the home. Twins sort of came with a 'handle with care' tag on them. A lot of that has changed now though.

On the other hand, being a mother of toddler who is keeping me on my toes, I can't imagine the work load of raising twins on the parents. I have so much respect for them. Taking care of two of my sons at the same time would send me to a mental hospital.

Maamun and Hashim

Hashim and Maamun's parents had a schedule for who looks after which baby in the night. I'm thinking each one prayed that their baby behaved or anxiously waited for the shift with the 'good' baby. All worked out fine apart from the day they found the toddlers who slept separately in a decker bed, both in the bottom bed. Neither of the parents had moved either one of them. There was panic and they blamed each other for confusing their roles. It was a mystery how the babies moved so they concluded that these boys probably did not want to be separated. They slept in the same bed from that time until much later in their teens. It took me years to tell these two apart.

Reginah a mother of 16 months old twins says, 'you would think having an extra pair of hands to help is enough but nope.' The toddlers often walk in different directions, you have to figure out which one to run after first. If you're travelling, multiply how long it takes you to prepare for one kid times two. She says the best way to manage is to set up a fixed schedule and stick to it. She delegates chores to different days of the week. When it comes to folding clothes, she has to wrestle with her twins as they keep unfolding what she gets done. It takes her days to get anything completely finished. Her twins Gabe and Khloe have different personalities. One is shy and quiet while the other is more outgoing making it a challenge to discipline them. When one of them is having a time out, the other one cries and bangs the door in protest.

Reginah's twins at 3 months 

Reginah's twins; Gabe and Khloe

Judith and her twin had a special bond growing up. When one twin hurt, the other one hurt too. When one cried, so did the other one as if to support the each other. Her twin brother roughed her up when they played or fought, probably because to him they were just the same, he forgot she was a girl. There was a lot of competition between them and her brother thought she was favored, being the female twin. They did most things together including taking bathes and slept in the same bed too. They often wore the same clothes even if they were not of the same sex.

Judith and her twin John wearing
the same outfits

Judith Babirye and John Kato
 today

Becky and Marieanne are exactly how I imagined twins. They are best friends and share everything minus spouses, haha. They were inseparable growing up and even went to the rest rooms together. The coolest part is that they share dreams. They wake up and narrate the exact same thing like they were in a movie together.
Becky says sometimes she would plan an outfit for the next day (without mentioning it to anyone) and wake up to find her twin Marieanne wearing the exact same thing. Telepathy right?
These identical twins look so alike, they confuse their own family members. They remember a funny story when their grandmother gave a cup of porridge to Marieanne then stepped out to get another for Becky. When she returned she gave the other cup to Marieanne again and when Becky complained all she got was 'one cup per person is enough Becky'.
Once, a guy hit on Marieanne, when he came around a few days later, he did not realize he was speaking to a different twin. He continued with the conversation from the previous encounter and Becky played along until he saw them both at the same time, he almost fainted. Such are the pranks I would have loved to pull if I were a twin. The stories about this pair go on and on.
They are so connected, when one falls sick so does the other one. Becky's husband is actually a twin too. Becky is more bubbly than her twin and very protective of her even if she's 5 minutes older.

Becky and Marieanne

My cousins who are fraternal twins say they grew up just like any other siblings. No mysterious connections, no telepathy, just two siblings who happened to be born on the same day.
So I guess its's different for every pair but still special.


Some of my favorite celebrity twins:

Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield

Tasha and Hidra Smith

Tia and Tamera Mowry

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen

And then there are some celebrities I was surprised to learn are twins:

Keifer and Rachel Sutherland

Vin Diesel and Paul Vincent

Scarlett and Hunter Jonhasson

Ashton and Michael Kutcher

Gisele and Patricia Bundchen

As if being twins isn't interesting enough, these pairs bring an even more exciting twist to it:

Black and white twins

Twin sisters who got married to twin brothers

In a perfect setting, with nannies running around and the right amount of resources, I would love to have more than just twins, triplets, even quadruplets. Well, who knows what the future holds.
Blowing twin dust to all soon to be moms!

LT

Social media, a necessary evil?

A few weeks ago I woke up to a post on Instagram where a young woman had created a fake account of another lady. She went ahead to add pictures of her from Facebook, twitter and everywhere else on the internet. She put up some pretty embarrassing posts and comments along with the pictures plus anything else that could destroy the other womans reputation, then she added and followed her friends and acquaintances. Her reason for doing this, the woman 'stole' her man so this was some sort of revenge.

It reminded me of yet another incident on Facebook where a girl posted pictures with her 'very loving, adorable, partner' who she was soon to walk down the aisle with, only he was already someone else's husband. Both the wife and mistress found out they were being played on this day.

These are just examples of many other endless insults, fights, embarrassments, gossip, confessions, revelations, the loss of privacy and numerous unpleasant things that happen on these socials networks that makes me wonder if it's doing more harm than good. Malicious people can do just about anything they want with the information we avail them. And we all know you can't be careful enough if you are an active user. So is it really worth it?


Let's not forget the amount of time it consumes us out of the real world. I am a self confessed social network addict of sorts (even if I'm in denial sometimes). I can tell you that it really does take a toll on how you relate with people in the real world. I look at the time I spend on the internet verses the time I talk to people in the real world and it's actually scary. I am not sure what a day without internet would do me. I don't need rehab yet but I sure need to spend more time appreciating things and people I can actually feel and touch. Many times you have missed parts and pieces of a good conversation with someone because you are paying more attention to the virtual world. Sometimes it's more interesting, right? haha.

'Selfie' in an elevator

You know you're an addict if; you constantly check you phone without even noticing and it doesn't matter where you are, you ask people on social media for advice about all your troubles and actually believe what they say, you have to check what's happening on your Facebook, Tweeter, Wasapp, Instagram news feed before you go to bed and as soon as you wake up, a day doesn't go by that you don't take a 'selfie' (a picture of a person taken by that person, in case you're wondering what that is), your esteem thrives on compliments, likes and the number of followers you have on social media, everyone knows everything about your life EVERYDAY like the food you ate, your ungrateful wife, your neighbors cute dog, bla bla bla. Get some help!


I call it a necessary evil because even after we have seen and continue to witness the most horrific things happen on these social networks, we are still here and immersing ourselves in it even deeper.

I have had some really wonderful moments on social media that I never would have experienced. Reuniting with old, childhood friends and relatives, sharing our joys, sorrows and achievements, meeting new people that have greatly impacted my life. Don't forget the free entertainment, sure boredom killer.
Living away from my country, it's a been a great way to keep close to friends and family. We don't feel like we miss each other that much because we are virtually in each others lives every single day.

You can tell so much about a person from what they make public. The bitter ones, the lost souls, the show offs, the self made 'philosophers', the happy ones, the complainers, the adventurous ones, the creepy ones, the 'haters' as they commonly call them, you name it.
Thing is, some people think really hard before they put up anything, others will just go with the emotions at the moment. So don't be fooled by all of it, a good number of people put up exactly what they want the world to see and how they want it to be perceived whether it's real or fake or wishful thinking.

After going through the risks of 'posting my life', putting up pictures of myself and my family on social media, I freak out a bit. I'm even more shaken by the crazy stories I have read and heard. A friend of mine is so scared she has all these accounts signed up but uses pseudo names and doesn't post anything. This is for safety purposes, she advises, but where is the fun in that? It would be pointless for me if I couldn't use these platforms to share and interact.

So I chose to stay, at least  for now, and enjoy all the other benefits. A little caution is necessary though. You may not be able to stop a person who is out there to get you, but don't make it very easy for them either.
We have control over the information we avail to the virtual world. Try to chose what you post carefully. How personal you get, is up to you. Be aware that not everyone will like it or see it the same way but isn't that how it is in the real life too?
I am still working on limiting my time in the virtual world especially when I am in the company of real people or when I have important business to take care of, like my very cheeky 1 year old son that needs eyes on him full time.

We need to know that it's more important to impress real people who see who we really are than the virtual 'friends' who see the edited, picture perfect version of us. Take a minute and appreciate what the real world has to offer (you can take a picture and post it later, hehe).

I found the message in this video a very interesting eye opener, please take some time and watch it.

Happy social networking :-)

LT

Questions people find offensive

I usually find it easy to have conversations with people from all walks of life. There are always those questions you will ask or get asked and see faces turn red. Questions people find offensive and would rather not be asked, mostly because of the topics of discussion they may lead to. These questions put us in an awkward position because of the insecurities we naturally have about certain things, depending largely on our cultural backgrounds. For example I have come to learn that it's 'impolite' to ask someone how much they weigh here in Europe, which is really not the case where I come from (Uganda). People also feel like these questions are being used as a judging tool more than just chit chat, which is often true. So the next time you go quizzing someone, you may want to think of how well you know this person, their cultural background and probably the setup in which you are asking certain things. But if you're innocently as curious as I am, you can ignore that and tactfully ask away, just try to be as polite as you can possibly be. Here we go;

• How old are you? The question of age comes down to what level of success you are for the time you have been on earth. This puts people in a an uncomfortable corner especially if they have not yet achieved the goals they hoped to have accomplished by then. It also makes people think that the person asking is trying to figure out if the age matches their appearance. We all know how people feel about their looks. Here's something more to read about age: Is age really just a number?

• How much do you earn? Another element to which society attaches success are the digits on one's paycheck. This makes people skeptic about telling how much they make, fearing that it will be used to judge how successful they are, what they can or should afford or what lifestyle they should lead. Well, we should know that you can have your bank account overflowing but still work for money instead of money working for you.

• How much do you weigh? Some people feel like this is the same as asking, how healthy are you or how much self control you have over food. This is not necessarily true because so many factors like genetics and other health conditions determine an individuals weight. I am heavy boned, I weigh much more than I appear.

• What's your religion? If any. And are you practicing it? Those are the other questions expected to come after. No one wants to be questioned about their spirituality which is usually linked to their morality. Then give them the side eye if they are doing something out of the 'rules'. Some topics are best left alone.

• Where did you meet your partner? Now this one continuously surprises me. Many people are shy about telling where their love story began. I thought this was always a fun thing to talk about. Actually the more awkward the more fun, no? Well, not for everyone. They are afraid that you will doubt their partners or relationships if they met in a strip club? Or you will think they were desperate if they met at a match makers club? Does it even matter if the relationship is working fine?

• When are you getting married? Single people, mostly women hate this question. It feels like putting pressure on them to find someone or make a rush decision if they are already in a relationship, especially when it comes from family who are waiting to get their best dresses on for the big do and maybe some grandchildren for the parents. From a stranger, it's simply intrusion, how this your business?

Now these are the common things people don't like to be asked about but you will be surprised at some other 'tiny', 'little' questions someone out there will find offensive. Too bad you can't tell how your question is going to be received until it's already out but you can use a little common sense to weigh it out before you create a really uncomfortable atmosphere for you and the other person.

Have you asked someone something that clearly made them feel uneasy? Do share.
What are some of those questions you find offensive? Share some of the questions you have been asked that put you in an awkward position. You could also say why, this should be fun.

Happy Easter Holidays.

LT

My baby turns ONE

On this day at exactly 3am, my water broke at 38+5 weeks. My husband had insisted we watch a movie before going bed but I only went through 30 minutes and dosed off. I was too tired and had planned to prepare a meal for some friends the following day, which was Easter. Little did I know my Easter bundle was coming that very day.We panicked for a moment there as we prepared to leave for the hospital. My hubby following me around the house with a rug to clean up the water that kept dripping. Yes, he has mild OCD. I had played out this moment in my head so many times but had imagined a more dramatic scenario. Something like my water breaking at the cinema, on the train or at the supermarket. Rushing me to hospital in an ambulance while I scream my lungs out, you know, like we see in the movies.


At the hospital, all seemed under control until they put me on drips to the help with the dilation. Then, the pain from the contractions got into full gear. I could barely remember all the tips I got from my antenatal classes except taking long breaths in and out. My husband looked so helpless, seeing me in all this pain and there is nothing he could do about it. He was the only family I had there with me at that time. On the other hand, my family which lives all over the world was calling my phone and his off the hook for updates.
After some hours I had to go into theater for an emergency C-section. In the theater, I got into panic for some minutes. I couldn't stop crying, thinking of all the horrible things that could happen. Thank God for the wonderful doctors who saw me through this moment.

Before long, I heard my baby cry for the first time. Tears rolled down my eyes. What I felt that time is still so fresh in my mind, the feeling of bringing life into this world. Only a mother can understand what I am talking about.
My son had a really light skin tone for a mixed baby. When they took him to my husband, he asked if they were sure he was ours, haha. He looked like a white baby. Being the only newborn at the hospital that afternoon, there was definitely no mix up, the nurses confirmed. I couldn't stop staring at him, the feeling of being a mother had not registered in my mind yet, it was so surreal.


Pregnancy and birth were an overwhelming experience for me. I had this picture of a fun, 'glowy' pregnancy, looking cute and chic with my bump. It did not go like that at all. I was big, skin broke out, pregnancy was definitely not beautiful in my case like I hear people say. Then there was the morning sickness for the first months, mood swings to add on my already existing ones. It was in that moment I knew more than ever that I married the man of my dreams. He supported me through it all so selflessly sometimes I don't know how he did it. I never lifted a finger to do anything throughout the 9 months.


On the bright side, the first months were not as overwhelming as I expected or as I had been warned. It was just me and my husband and we handled it just fine. Of course there were those days when he wouldn't stop crying and I broke down and cried too. Not forgetting the times I could barely keep my eyes open but had to nurse him or get him to sleep but generally speaking, it has been awesome. Things naturally fall in place, questions somehow get answered and the endless worries come and go too.

Twelve months later, I look at my son, what he was grown into and I fall in love over and over again. You need to see the excitement that filled our home the first day we saw a tooth or the time he sat, crawled, ate solids, walked. We look forward to every little milestone he knocks down.
I can't deny that there are days I want someone to take him away for some hours so I can go about some activities in silence or just have a breather. Days I want to spend time with some adult friends and have a real conversation. But MOST of the days, I just want to sniff him, stare at him while he sleeps, watch him play with his toys, have him cling onto my legs and make all these silly baby sounds that suddenly become so exciting when you're a mother.

He makes our world different. I hope to teach him to grow into a respectful, humble, hardworking, intelligent man. This boy is surely special and I am not being biased :-). Raising my glass of wine to motherhood. Cheers!

LT

6 common stereotypes I refuse to agree with

Stereotypes arise from repetitiveness of certain things which people come to believe to be true. So they are not entirely baseless. That being said, there are stereotypical beliefs I have refused to agree with no matter how commonly they are believed. Also because I think they corrupt the mind and the way people would rather live their lives. Here they are:

#1. All men cheat. Whoever came up with that must have been a scorned woman who continuously made some really bad choices. I know how naive that may sound to many women.

 Truth; Men generally have a high sex drive compared to women which is one of the main causes of cheating. This does not mean there isn't still a big number that will not cheat on their partners for sex or any other reason. Too bad for the ladies who have given their men a pass to cheat because 'all men are dogs'.  

#2. Every woman wants to be a mother. Females are naturally expected to desire to become mothers at some point in their lives. All women are expected to have a motherly instinct somewhere in their DNA.  

Truth; There are many women out there who don't feel like motherhood is for them. They do not hate kids, maybe they would even make better mothers than some actual mothers. They simply do not want it or long for it as most people believe all women do for reasons that vary from woman to woman. 

#3. All men want a woman who can cook.  Where I come from and many parts of the world, it is the norm for women to cook for their families. Growing up, boys were never expected in the kitchen whereas it was a MUST for the girls to be in the kitchen while the meals were being prepared. Women have been made to believe that not being able to cook is a deal breaker for all men.  Truth; While cooking a prerequisite for some men to settle with a woman, very many men out there can't be bothered if you can cook like a professional chef or not cook at all. Some find more pleasure in cooking for their woman than have her sweating in the kitchen while he sips on a beer. PS: This is not an excuse for woman not to learn how to cook. Being a good cook could be a plus for you especially if you happen to fall for one of those men who love to be spoiled with a delicious home cooked meal everyday. 

#4. All Africans want to live in the west. Every time an African gets on a plane to go overseas, it is believed that's a dream come true and they will do whatever it takes never to come back home. It is believed that Africans will jump at any opportunity to 'escape' the African continent to live 'the American dream' or whatever other dreams are out there. Truth; Many Africans living in the west are there not by choice but circumstances. Many don't have the slightest desire to live in the west but are just curious of what lies beyond just like anybody else about places they were not born or raised. Many Africans find more comfort in the slow, 3rd world lifestyle in Africa even after seeing what other more developed continents have to offer.

#5. All men with big manhood give good sex. Popular belief has it that the bigger the penis size, the better the sex. This is probably because they can hit all corners with less effort. Truth; It's useless to reach different corners with ease if you don't know which corners to hit in the first place. Big penis size doesn't automatically equal to good sex if you don't know how to use it. Too bad, it doesn't come with a manual. In many cases huge manhood actually does more harm than good. Good sex is so much more about technique, chemistry and other tiny, little things. Sorry if I just burst your bubble well endowed males out there ;-)

#6. All high maintenance women are gold diggers. Many women are tagged as gold diggers just because they have expensive taste or are into a certain lifestyle. There is nothing wrong with loving a certain standard of living and being lucky enough to find someone willing to sustain it. Truth; A woman is only a gold digger if their SOLE intention of being with someone is the expensive lifestyle or goes out hunting for someone to bring this lifestyle to her. Many women simply love the finer things in life, are ready to work for them and won't settle for less and  so if you can't keep up, she just won't have you.

Even if there is usually  truth to many stereotypes, many other times they are plain ignorant. I prefer to embrace diversity and learn more, rather than stereotyping.

What common stereotypes have you refused to fall for?

LT

Meet Victoria Nabunya, Miss Uganda 2001: then and now.

Let us back track a little...then move forward:)

It all started when i won the title of Miss Uganda, after which i went on to represent Uganda at the Miss World Pageant that was being held in Sun City, South Africa that year.
 At Miss World, i quickly pushed my name up by making it to the top 3 finalists for the Miss World Scholarship. This was a very big deal because 90 contestants were all competing for it! 90! I must say i am very proud of myself for having made it so far among such talented and brilliant young women! It was an awesome experience that any young lady would surely enjoy!


Back in Uganda, i was involved in many projects, charities and social events. It was such a whirl wind of events that looking back i wonder how i ever managed it all! It was so much to do, so many places to be! My most memorable contributions as Miss Uganda that i will forever look fondly back at are:
1) The NGO i started, Victoria Breast Cancer Initiative with the aim of raising funds to purchase a mammogram machine for Mulago hospital (which we did). I teamed up with Uganda Tourism Board and the women at Uganda Golf club to make this happen. I approached several companies, well-wishers and other individuals to raise the funds. The women at Uganda Golf Club held a golf tournament with the aim of raising money for the mammogram. I worked tirelessly even without the help of some of those i expected support from and got things done. I will always be grateful to Mr. John Waigo of UTB who worked tirelessly with me, Dr. S. Zaramba, Dr. Anthony Gakwaya of Mulago Hospital, Mrs. Grace Obua who was Lady Captain at Uganda Golf Club as well as Mr. Charles Kareeba who was Uganda Gold Club Captain and Mrs. Jolly Kalemera and many more that i have not mentioned here. They really played a big role! Now that i am in the health field as well, i plan on getting back to work on more projects in the future and continuing to raise Breast cancer awareness in Uganda.

Climbing Mt. Rwenzori

2) Another special journey was my broadcast hike to the peaks of Mt. Ruwenzori. I was discouraged from making such a strenuous trip but once again, i insisted (i can be a bit stubborn when i really want to do something). MTN donated some gear to help me with my journey, and i was able to have security and porters with me so off i went. My aim was to promote Uganda's tourism and to officially open the new bridges that had just been built. Before i started my hike, i got a chance to meet the then CRN Director, Bent Ronsen and his team who had been working tirelessly in the area and in the Congo as well to bring peace. My hike was a much appreciated gesture because to them it showed that the area was becoming safer, if i could come down and spend a week hiking in the mountains! I will not forget the dancers who welcomed me or the proud look on the men's faces who hiked up with me when they saw how determined i was not to give up! They were not sure if this skinny, Miss Uganda would make it but i did! I have been able to visit most of Uganda’s touristic destinations and i love the beauty in our country! I wish more people would take the time to see more of what Uganda has to offer, before they hop on a plane to go to some fancy resort. My favourite place i think is Mweya because of scenic views and the bird watching experience. I love it there!
And earlier this year (Jan 2014) i finally went gorilla tracking--that has now become one of my other favourite places to visit...i must go back and visit the gorillas in Bwindi!

Gorilla tracking in Bwindi

3) And lastly, i will not forget my trip to Kitgum, at a time when the fear of Kony and his rebels was still significant! I was discouraged from going to Kitgum but i couldn't turn away a chance to show some love and bring some hope to people who had been tormented and tortured in unimaginable ways! So once again, i followed my heart and embarked on a special journey. I had security with me and good people around me, so i decided it was worth it. I brought with me basics to give out and brought lots of smiles to many people. The joy on their faces is still with me...The stories they shared with me have also remained with me. I stopped in Gulu town and visited a hospital there...i was accompanied by then Miss Northern Uganda, Christine Akullo. On our arrival at the hospital, two boys were born. Their parents gave us the honour of naming them so i named one Victor and Christine named the other Chris. Christine and i have actually decided to try and find these two boys so that we can be part of their lives somehow...hopefully we find them! Being able to not only donate things to the people i met but just showing them that someone cares about their stories was very important to me...so i am glad to have made the journey despite the risks.

At the Miss World Pageant 2001

I hope this helps all my readers know a little bit more about who i really am and what i did during my reign. I often hear stories about me that are not accurate so it is nice to put some truth out there given the fact that we have social media right at our finger tips! (I wonder what took me so long lol).
Yes, there was some drama and headline news during my reign because my father (May his soul RIP) was not entirely sold on the idea of pageants...he was a different kind of guy with his own set of rules and your typical african dad if you know what i mean. All in i all i wouldn't change anything. I cannot speak for the Miss Ugandas before or after me, but personally that time of my life taught me so much about myself, my country and its people and i wouldn't change anything. It gave me a chance to give back to my community and to grow in character and as a person...that is an experience that does wonders for a young lady if used well, and it did for me.

I must say that there were many Aha moments, scary moments, tear-packed moments and even stressful moments when i was Miss Uganda...it was not all roses. I remember the first time the tabloids wrote a false story about me; i cried so much to mother and my dear grandmother (May she RIP) but i later developed a thick skin and learnt to roll with the punches and even laugh about those stories. There was also jaw dropping moments like when i met Nelson Madela (May his soul RIP) in Shambala, South Africa and danced with him, and later dined with his daughter at my assigned table. Or when i met the late Gadaffi when i traveled to Libya (on a private jet) together with several ziper models as well as other models/actors from various African countries, for an African Cultural Event. I got a chance to meet this man that i had only read about in books and even got invited to his palace...that is another story for another day, but let me just say that the hot/extremely good-looking, female bodyguards are not a fairy tale...they are real!

First forward to today; I am currently finishing up some studies (i actually love school/studying...always have since i was a kid so i think i will always be studying something haha) in the States and just living one day at a time, enjoying what each new day brings forth...I am so thankful for all that i have been blessed with so far and i really cannot/should not complain.
I am always being asked about my romantic life, marriage, kids etc but I prefer to keep my private life private...not because i am hiding anything but because i am a private person...always have been despite being thrown into the limelight after winning Miss Uganda. It may sound surprisng for some but i am actually more of an introvert and a very reserved individual who doesn't like too much attention and sometimes fancies being a recluse hahahaha...and i treasure the sanctity/privacy of certain aspects of my life...but of course that is not to say that there cannot be a time to share that part of my life when it feels right:) That could be another story for another day too...

Modelling in Pittsburg

Supporting Miss Africa USA  2013 in Washing DC

Starting off 2014 in Uganda

Thanks for reading..hope you enjoyed!
Xx
Victoria Nabunya.

Living and surviving in a non-English speaking country

One of the greatest challenges I have had to face has been finding my independence and balance in a country that doesn't speak my first language, English, or any other languages I speak. It feels like being a child all over again or like being handicapped as you always need a translator or someone to do the talking for you. You find your self in a nervous state almost all the time until you are able to have a basic dialogue.

I have got lost several times and could barely ask for directions or even understand those that were given to me. I have made the wrong orders in restaurants as I gambled with the menu. I have missed road signs. Many times you will be misunderstood and might even say something offensive along the way. I remember once with my Italian in-laws, as I struggled to explain (in Italian) something about adding preservatives to food and they all burst out laughing, some with an embarrassed look on their faces. My husband then explained to me that 'preservativo', the word I tried to use to mean preservative actually means condoms. Haha.

My first visit to Paris was greeted with a waiter asking another one to serve us because we spoke English. I did not take it personally even if I did not think it was very polite. Maybe she wanted us to feel more comfortable hence letting someone who could communicate with us better take the tourists' orders. I kind of enjoy the whole 'special' tourist treatment I get when I speak English in the non English speaking countries. Some people get excited about English speakers because then they can practice their own English with you. But, it was after I permanently moved to Italy that reality of living in a non English speaking country hit me and it hit me hard. The whole tourist thing wears off and gets old when you actually live in the country even if you can still pull that tourist card once in a while like I do. However in shops and markets it comes with items being overpriced since they know you cannot haggle in the local language.

First language English speakers like myself often live in a bubble where we assume everyone speaks or should speak English by default. The first step to surviving in non English speaking country is to delete this assumption from your head. I have always loved learning new languages and I'd like to think I'm good at it. But, learning a language just for the love of it and learning a language to actually survive in a place in which you live are different.

Here are a few pointers I have found helpful along my journey.

• Don't expect people to speak English because it's a 'universal' language even if it is usually the first language they may try to use to communicate. You will come off as ignorant to some people.
• Learn the basic pleasantries like 'good morning', 'thank you', 'please' plus other useful phrases like ' where is the bathroom', 'can I have some water', 'I speak only English'. You may want to learn how to ask for directions too, very important.
• Make an effort to speak the language. When they see you TRY to speak, they will reciprocate by trying to understand you as much as possible.
• Use of body language. Get your hands, head and whatever else moving to make yourself understood where the words fail. Always works. 
• Be calm. It's inevitable to feel intimidated but keeping cool helps you communicate better. I have found that when I am nervous, even the little I know already seems to suddenly disappear and I just can't speak a word.

It's not that automatic to learn a new language just because you are living in the country where it's spoken like most people think. Many will live a country for years and not pick up the language spoken there. You have to have the interest and persistence to grasp it.

But I must say, learning a new language while in the country in which it's spoken is the best and quickest way to pick it up. You are forced to speak the language not necessarily out of choice but to be able to go through your normal daily routines so you are in constant practice.
It's a beautiful thing, as it comes with learning a new culture especially when you immerse yourself in the language. In Italy, I have learnt expressions with my hands and face that come along with the language. The downfall is, after a long while of living in a non English speaking country, your English is jeopardized, most times to a point of no return. It helps to have some friends who speak English also for your head relax a bit. Trust me, the brain works more than usual when you're trying to add a new language there, it can work you up.

The good news is that it gets better everyday and the feeling of accomplishment when you can finally express yourself is so good, you feel so liberated you forget how stupid you felt in the start.

LT