The educated stay at home mommy

When you go through school, pay fees, work hard to excel, stay awake some nights to study, the next step expected is a great career to 'pay you back' for all the effort. Right?

Back in uni, my friends and I looked forward to the day we would complete our Bachelors In International Business and join the workforce. I remember we threw around job applications and networked throughout our final year. There was nothing else but that great career on our minds. Then it all changed when I became a mother. No, I did not lose my drive, my career dreams or my zeal to join the workforce, priorities simply changed, at least for now.


People often ask me how it is being a stay at home mom. What do you do ALL day? Many times it comes off as if I have more hours in the day than the 'working' mothers. Don't you get bored? What about your career? When are you going to work again? These are the kind of questions I am faced with from time to time.They wonder, why did you bother going to school if you did not plan to work? They feel like you are giving your partner a lot of 'power' over you. It feels as if they are looking down on you sometimes.  An aunt recently told me to FIGHT being a stay at home mother, haha.




First off, going to school is much more than that inflated paycheck when you start working. It's something you go through for knowledge, for awareness, for esteem, for networking, and gives you more options in life. I also look at it like an insurance against a bad turn of events. Say, if my partner could not afford to solely take care of the family anymore or at some point I feel my child doesn't need me closely attending to him anymore. My earlier obtained education would give me a starting point into the workforce.

How I spend my day? Running after my toddler, cleaning up after him, playing with him, taking him for walks, cooking for him, picking up toys all over the house over and over again, generally managing the household MYSELF. To some, that may not sound important or impressive enough like sitting at a desk taking business calls, or attending board meetings which I would most probably be doing. And yes, I also spend some time pampering myself and keeping fit if I get a breather from diaper duty.

Being an educated stay at home mom doesn't make my qualification any less. It doesn't make me weaker. I actually get to use some of the knowledge I acquired in my day to day life as a SAHM. Planning for the family, drawing budgets, and I look forward to inspiring and teaching my son a lot of what I studied too.
This is rewarding for me at this point in my life. I watched my son crawl for the very first time, I saw him learn to stand, I know exactly what he eats , when he eats it. Many 'working' mothers can only dream of this kind of experience.

Now this is not some sort of competition between the stay at home moms and the 'working' moms like it always seems. It's not a need to prove who has it better or to justify my current status. It's really a matter of choice and circumstances what path an educated mother takes on. Do you need the extra income? Do you need to be in the workforce to feel content? Do you find being a stay home mom more fulfilling? How does your partner feel about it? Whatever floats your boat should be respected.

As a SAHM, there are times you think of what could have been, how far up your career you could have reached in the time you have been at home, if the investment you made to go to school was useless. Just like there is no day that goes by in the life of a 'working' mother that she doesn't dream of playing with her young kids all day, cuddling on the couch with them while they nap in the afternoon or wondering if the care taker gave them the right meals at the right time.

In this era, motherhood may not be seen as a JOB (yes, it's a lot of work with no monetary value) worth staying home for. It may be seen as if you have given up your independence. So, yes, you are going to be judged for 'wasting' your education. You will feel anxious sometimes about the decision to stay home and it may be boring at times.
But it is so damn rewarding being there while your child knocks down those milestones, getting mad at them for messing up the clothes you just folded, teaching them the best you want them to be, you just can't put a price tag on it.

LT